Saturday, July 18, 2009

Owning my girly

My weight loss at the moment is hovering somewhere between 25 & 30 pounds. Nothing to sneeze at. This is going back to my last summer/fall weight, when I finished breastfeeding. I figure that is as good of a 'start' point as any.

I feel more comfortable, I can fit in more clothes, but I don't feel, most days, like I've changed at all. Here I am weighing less than I did when I got married, but I don't feel it.

Maybe it is the skin hanging around my stomach, maybe it is that 30 pounds is a drop in the bucket when you have 100 to lose, but I'm having a hard time right now feeling like I've done anything. Sure, I fit in to smaller clothes (down to some of my size 16's) and I am not required to shop in the "old lady" section, but I guess I just expected to feel more. Like somehow the old more skinny confident in who I am feeling would just reappear.

I guess that is why for BlogHer I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. The weight loss is just a start. I've gotten married, had a baby, been successful at my career, and somewhere along the way I lost what little girly I had left. That feeling of being proud of my female body, and sexy in my own skin.

Some may see BlogHer as something to be jealous of, or just a big marketing bruhaha, but for me, I'm taking it as a chance to be reborn. I'm raising a girl, a girl who loves pink, and tutus, and dinosaurs, and I'd like to show her that you can own your girly. You can be feminine and still be a strong woman. It is something modern feminists struggle with, so I know I am not alone. I know it may not stick forever, but for now I'm putting on the cute shoes, wearing the skirt (except when I have to move equipment at work) and owning it.

Also, does anyone know where I can get pink Dino PJ's? Or anything? Seriously, she loves dinos.

5 comments:

The Fritz Facts said...

Being comfortable in your own skin is a battle, I do it everyday. While I am bigger than I was when I met my husband, I am starting to be okay with the way I look, but still wanting to change it.

I hope next weekend is a success for you, that you are able to become the woman you want to be.

rew said...

I know exactly what you mean. Somehow, I just lost track of things, and before I got pregnant with Violet I was about 70 lbs overweight. I just never noticed it happening. I lost 15 before I got pregnant because I thought that was what was giving us issues. By the time she was born and I did the post birth 3 day pee (you know, the one where you literally urinate out 15 lbs), I was down 25 of those, but shut in with a baby (and we couldn't breast feed) put about 10 of those back on in the first year.

In February I decided I needed to try and do something about it. But it's been such slow going that it's hard for me to feel good about being lighter and healthier than I've been since probably 25. Instead, I just keep thinking that there's still 35 lbs to go. 5 lbs a month is good and healthy and slow and just what you are supposed to want, but I still feel big and cumbersome and like I'm never going to get anywhere.

rew said...

dear lord. and I'm making the mistake of listening to Oprah in the background right now, and Marie Osmond is talking about how she lost her 45 lbs in 4 months because her kids all got together and told her they loved her but she needed to do something or she was going to die before their kids were born. And she weighed AS MUCH AS I JUST GOT DOWN TO THIS WEEK!!!!

sigh.

Now I feel really fat.

Anti-Supermom said...

I'm freaking out about BlogHer myself. It's like finally meeting people that I have loved from afar.

Weight lose is such a personal thing, you should be really be proud of being so vocal about it, you are helping inspire others.

Charlotte said...

Dangit, I'm there, too. I'm 7 months post-partum and 20 lbs heavier than when I started, complete with that stupid bellyflap. "Own your new mom body" is what online therapists say. I say, "WTF; I want to fit back into my little white jeans."

Congrats to your amazing 30 pounds. You're my hero!