I am positive that in high school I was relatively horrid to be around. I was miserable, unhappy, and I hid a lot of my insecurities with a superiority complex. Not that the kids I went to school with were nice, but I am sure part of it was me. When I left my home town after high school I went to a school no one else did and pretty much entirely wrote off my entire hometown and high school experience. I had minimal contact with one person which ended abruptly for a reason I no longer remember. When I would go home for the holidays and occasionally in summer, I would do my best to avoid seeing anyone. It took work since a lot of people never left.
Four years ago when my ten year reunion happened I thought about going. After all, I was married to a great guy, with a house and a dog. Then I thought about how I no longer lived in NYC, how I was heavier than I had ever been, (lighter than that now, yay!) and how I had nothing to rub in that all of the crap I took hadn't hurt me. I had spent a lot of time wondering if they still hated me or if they had gotten over it. However, when it came right down to it, what I realized that I was the one who had stuff to get over. If I was going to prove to them that they hadn't hurt me, then I had missed the point.
I'd like to think I've made advances since then, but damn Facebook has brought it all up again. The class VP had my address and married name from the reunion, and she went and friended mostly unused profile from a class account. I was curious, I logged in. I friended back. I've waited and wondered if anyone would friend me. No one has.
I've realized that I'm doing it all over again. I have a pictureless profile and I haven't reached out to anyone. I'm not even sure who I would reach out to if I wanted to. If I keep waiting for them, it will never happen.
So today I uploaded a photo, and I reached out to the one person I miss the most. I still fear rejection, but if I never take the chance, nothing will ever change.