I am positive that in high school I was relatively horrid to be around. I was miserable, unhappy, and I hid a lot of my insecurities with a superiority complex. Not that the kids I went to school with were nice, but I am sure part of it was me. When I left my home town after high school I went to a school no one else did and pretty much entirely wrote off my entire hometown and high school experience. I had minimal contact with one person which ended abruptly for a reason I no longer remember. When I would go home for the holidays and occasionally in summer, I would do my best to avoid seeing anyone. It took work since a lot of people never left.
Four years ago when my ten year reunion happened I thought about going. After all, I was married to a great guy, with a house and a dog. Then I thought about how I no longer lived in NYC, how I was heavier than I had ever been, (lighter than that now, yay!) and how I had nothing to rub in that all of the crap I took hadn't hurt me. I had spent a lot of time wondering if they still hated me or if they had gotten over it. However, when it came right down to it, what I realized that I was the one who had stuff to get over. If I was going to prove to them that they hadn't hurt me, then I had missed the point.
I'd like to think I've made advances since then, but damn Facebook has brought it all up again. The class VP had my address and married name from the reunion, and she went and friended mostly unused profile from a class account. I was curious, I logged in. I friended back. I've waited and wondered if anyone would friend me. No one has.
I've realized that I'm doing it all over again. I have a pictureless profile and I haven't reached out to anyone. I'm not even sure who I would reach out to if I wanted to. If I keep waiting for them, it will never happen.
So today I uploaded a photo, and I reached out to the one person I miss the most. I still fear rejection, but if I never take the chance, nothing will ever change.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
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5 comments:
Facebook CAN really mess with you. I've found some of my FB relationships mirror the relationship I had with the person way back when. You know the person who was your friend only on the weekends her boyfriend wasn't home from college? She's also the friend who writes you one e-mail to catch up and then ignores you.
My biggest thing has been reaching out to people from work. I know a lot of them are hooking up on FB and I've shied away from joining them because I like to keep my private life private. I especially don't want to encourage my co-workers to read my blog, but I've discovered I can pick and choose which information is seen by certain friend groups I've set up. That comes in handy.
But yeah, I completely understand about the fear of rejection. I feel it with every friend request I send out. Silly, I know, but that's how I'm wired.
P.S. Would you like to be MY friend?
Yeah... it's crazy. I've reconnected with lots of old high school friends that way - but it's not like we are back to being BFFs or anything... but nice to be back peripherally in each other's lives. Now if I ran into them on the street, I wouldn't turn and run away...
I agree you need to dive in head first. Uploading your pic is a great start. Instead of thinking of it as a medium to resurrect your hs friendships, think about it as a tool to enhance your current friendships. Start with all your REAL friends, my favorite tool is the e-mail search where it can tell you who from your contact list has a fb account. The old connections, if they turn out positive, are just icing on the cake.
You can friend me at facebook.com/MarketingMama if you'd like. :)
I went through something similar. I spent days wondering if I should apologize to a particular person I thought I hadn't treated very well in hs. Mr. Newt said let it go, she doesn't want to be reminded of the old days, and we're both adults now. He's right. Everyone was a shit in HS--I think the pleasure of FB is meeting the adults all those jerks turned into, and seeing how far everyone has come, including yourself. I think you'll find most people will be more generous with you than you are with yourself.
Whee ... I didn't even know you were on Facebook. Now tell A to get on it! Wouldn't have helped me find you, of course; but for some people it might help if you put your maiden-name as your middle.
FB can play tricks with peoples minds, and not always in a good way. I have found that having the option to not be friends with someone makes me feel better. I don't have to "make-nice" with the girls I didn't like in hs. It is a choice, but one that you have to dive into, not easy.
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