I have always sort of felt that my body had betrayed me when it came to food. I never seemed to get that whole "you're satisfied, quit eating" thing. I never really heard a damn thing until it got to the "holy, hanah, are we ever stuffed" point. That whole reasonable portion thing never seemed to work for me.
Maybe it was a childhood with a killer metabolism (I could out eat just about anybody, and still was skinny, pre-puberty), maybe it was just my brain's screwy wiring. You know, the stuff that causes depression, and in some in my family, addiction.
Whatever it was, it never seemed to be there.
So, based on a part of the whole "fat acceptance" movement (oh, I could write a lot about that) I've been trying lately to not worry about every little calorie that I take in, and just listen, really good and hard, to what my body is trying to tell me. Eat when I am hungry, not just because it is "lunch time". Stop when I am satisfied, not stuffed. Eat the foods that I crave, trusting that my body knows what it needs.
So far, it seems to be working. Well, sort of. I hear it. There are however some conflicting voices in there. Namely the one saying, "you're stressed, you deserve the candy". I'm pleased that the good voice is really there. I don't feel like I'm quite so broken anymore. I just wish the other voice wasn't winning out so much.
Going in to BlogHer, to go along with my commitment to running, I'm going to try to let the good voice win out. Perhaps while imagining it as a cartoon dog dressed as an angel on my shoulder. Just to help it out, I'm going to do my best to keep healthier snacks available. If the stress does win out, at least I can give it something better than a Twix for it's trouble.