Tuesday, June 1, 2010

When the Universe Makes Its Will Know Via Cake

In my mind, I was writing this great post today about how I've fallen off the wagon on the whole no sugar thing, but that I was recommitting myself, you know, starting tomorrow. It was going to be today, but then I remembered that ice cream cake in the freezer at work. Hrm, I needed a piece of cake first, like a last hurrah.

The freezer at work, works much better than my freezer at home. That sucker was hard. I should have stopped then. That should have been my sign when I couldn't get my knife through it. I kept going however.

The piece of cake released, the knife went flying, right in to my left index finger. One look and I knew. I had cut through the superficial layers of skin and I was just about at the point where I could have inflicted serious damage.

I'm a klutz. I know my injuries. I could let it go, but it would take a long time to heal and there would be infection risk. It would also hurt a lot more. Or, I could suck it up and get it glued shut. No Urgent Care downtown by work, but there is an ER. The busiest ER in the state. The place the National Guard sends its medics for training because they see that level of trauma. I walked down to HCMC with a coworker. He was sent along to make sure I didn't pass out on the way. No, it wasn't that bad, it was a safety precaution.

I got in line, let a couple of people that were in much worse shape than I was go ahead of me, and two hours later I got my super glue (dermabond), steri-strips, and a discharge notice about giving people the finger.

Then I went back to work and ate the piece of cake that caused all the trouble.

I know I'm a sugar addict, and yes, I am using that word correctly. It is a compulsion, and it can be serious. All joking about my little cut aside, I know there is a problem here. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to deal with it. I know I have an appointment with my Dr. in two weeks where I will be able to ask more about what my options are. Perhaps it means some more serious therapy. However, the waiting lists for places that offer that are long. Perhaps it means something OA, but I am not sure I am ready for that yet.

I've made it past the first hurdle. The one that dealt with my sedentary life. It takes work for me to not want to run every single day. Those rest days are hard to take off. I know I can deal with this. I know I can get past it. I am just not so sure how that is going to happen right now.


Karianna said...

Dude, the blood would have killed my appetite the rest of the day. That said, when I had a similar injury (but deep enough to sever the nerve) I ate a diner jalapeno cheeseburger after getting stiched up. By then it was after midnight though so I guess the day was technically over.

Casey said...

Difficult journeys are not often success only journeys. Many times they start out as missing the mark more often than hitting it. Hopefully, as you work and strive toward your goal, the hits increase and the misses decrease. They do still happen though. That doesn't mean you cannot succeed. It just means that you need to keep working.

I know you didn't ask for advice, so take this for what it's worth and ignore anything that you don't want. :) My feelings won't be hurt.

1- Going no-sugar is HARD. If you can find someone, I'd suggest getting an accountability partner. Talk or email with this person as often as you need. Make goals with them. Make goals together.

2- Remember the positive choices you make. So, you ate ice cream cake today. Did you eat any fruit? Veggies? Whole grains? Did you say no to any sugar? Let your successes give you strength instead of letting only your mistakes weigh you down.

You can do it. It might not be your first try or even your seventh. I know that doesn't look encouraging on the surface, but it is. You can do it, and at some point you will feel stronger and healthier each time you turn down sugar.

PikaPikaChick said...

So sorry to hear about your crazy finger experience. HCMC is no place to spend a perfectly lovely afternoon.

But on the sugar addiction -- WORD, sister. I'm right there with you. I've tried the cold turkey approach but that never worked for me. I'm working on baby steps right now. I've been slipping hard the last few weeks.

If you need an accountability partner as Casey suggested, just let me know. Either way, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.