Thursday, July 23, 2009

Not my best moment.

I am sitting at the SouthWest gate in Minneapolis. My flight is late, so I figured, hey, I'll blog. This trip could not have come at a better time. M got sick, and knowing that I would be gone soon, we decided I would stay home the two days I was going to be working, as well as the one I took off to spend with her before I left. Usually we alternate, but this made more sense. Alternating is good, it keeps one parent sane at work while the other deals with at home. When you get home from work, the parent at home throws you the child and runs.

For the last three days, I haven't had that. I've also had interrupted sleep as well as a little pre-trip panic.

It has not been the high point of my parenting career thus far.

Yesterday I had to leave her in her room while I lost my shit for a little while. All of the potential romantic notions of staying home and curling up on the couch with my now verbal little invalid are just not coming true. Instead I have a pissed off in pain little midget with poor language skills. The whining is non stop, and she's hitting, spitting, not doing anything that would actually help her feel better and calling me names. I know, in the good part of my brain that she hurts, but she doesn't have the words to talk about it. The bad, sleep deprived, stressed out part of my brain lost it's cool and had to call my own mommy. Almost two and a half years, and I finally found that point, the one where you understand how people can snap and hit their kids or worse. I can't even imagine if I were a single parent, or someone who didn't have a good support system. (Mine involved last minute shopping with Kristen last night. She's a saint.)

It doesn't help that lately it has been all Papa all the time. She's a completely different person around him. He's a saint, and the cure for pain apparently. It may also be that I left her, for the first time she knows I am not coming back after a quick trip to the store. She cried doubly hard when I confirmed, yes, I was going on a trip today, we were going to the airport. But then when I left, I do believe I nearly saw her kick my ass as I turned around.

Either way, this is a much needed break. Now to pull out the book, or crochet, while I wait for my phone to charge before charging the laptop. It is going to be a long night.

4 comments:

The Fritz Facts said...

I know that moment all to well. It is not easy when you take on a lions share of the ill-child-caring, even though there is nothing you want more than to make their pain go away.

I am glad you are getting this time away, it will be wonderful for you.

rew said...

I've had it, too. I have a tendency to do more of the sick days because I work at home, which is somehow seen as less intrusive (to be fair, if she gets sick at daycare, my husband usually gets stuck since he brings her home anyway, but the follow up days tend to be mine). I'm lucky in that Vi's still small enough for a crib, and I can put her in for a bit while I calm down. I have to be super on the edge though, since if she cries too much she throws up (in fact, she did it this morning after falling off a chair -- it scared her, she got hysterical, couldn't calm down, and I can still smell puke). And through all of this, she wants "daddy, up".

I'm told it's a phase. I know she loves and appreciates me as much as a toddler can.

But yes, it's nice to run away for a few days.

kristen said...

I hope you are having a fabulous time.

Elizabeth said...

How's BlogHer? I've been keeping an eye out for you at the hotel! :)