There is just something logical about having two kids. You know, replace yourself, but don't contribute to global overcrowding. An heir and a spare. A square family. I guess it just seemed like that was what would happen. Except, one is expensive, and our house is under water (mortgage wise), and we have other debts, and one daycare payment is already a large portion of what I make. So, we've decided to stop at one. We've been through all the scenarios given our current situation, and unless something major changes financially one is all we can do without stretching ourselves so thin that we would be miserable. I grew up with stretched parents, and it sucked.
And I'm sad about. More sad that I thought I would be. One should be enough right? People try so hard just to get one, I should be happy with one. She's awesome. But I'm sad. Tonight on my walk (3.3 miles in an hour), all I saw was families for four, or pregnant women.
It doesn't help that today I was supposed to see my OB. An appointment I looked forward to. My OB is one of the few doctors that I have really liked and gotten along with. I wanted to see her before I saw my endocrinologist next week. I wanted to talk to her about how despite regular exercise (still keeping up at least three days a week, sometimes more), and eating relatively decent, I am not losing weight. I feel like crap, tired all the time. I wanted to get her opinion before I dealt with the endocrinologist that I don't like. Except today she had to deliver a baby. Just another reminder. The only appointment I could get with her is two months out. N0 good for me to get her opinion.
Instead I made an appointment with an obesity and endocrinology clinic. It is kitty corner from me in the cities. Appointments will require taking half days off from work, if not full days. However, I want to be treated as a full patient, and that is what they specialize in. I don't want to be like this, but I don't know how to not be without at least some help. Diet and exercise the way I'm doing them are not working. I also want to talk to someone about pharmaceutical help for all of the stress I am going through. All this exercise should be helping my general mood, and that it isn't, means that it is time for me to ask for help.
Speaking of the exercise, I am still plugging along, even with taking a week off from riding bike. I am bummed about not losing weight, but I am gaining muscle. I can feel it, and it would be what usually happens to me. I sort of wish I wasn't, but I know it is a good sign. Muscle burns more calories than fat does. Still, I would feel a little better if my thighs weren't larger (and harder) instead of smaller.