Here to There

This lovely post is inspired by the inspiring Heather. Talking about being fat is hard. No matter what kind of person you are, your life and your values are judged by the size of your waist. No matter how open minded you are, I would bet that just about everyone has judged someone else for what they perceive is their relationship with food. There are people that think we shouldn't get health insurance because it is our fault we are fat. There are people who don't understand who fortunate genetics have been to them. There are also people like Heather who are willing to talk about something that too often isn't talked about. So this is for Heather.

Doing the Shred, or any exercise, when you're obese is hard. If you work out, consider doing it while carrying around your 32 pound toddler. Wouldn't be easy would it? Now consider trying to do it with three of them. That is what it is like to exercise when you're obese. (for this example, we're going with what I was overweight by when I started, around 100 pounds)

Your knees, while admirably (maybe) supporting the weight you carry, do not like extra impact. Your lungs, while hopefully successfully supplying your body with oxygen, likely don't have much extra capacity for things like jumping jacks or butt kicks. It feels incredibly defeating to realize that you can't do the things that seem to come so easily to other people. It can make you want to give up.

I was really lucky when I started doing the Shred. While I have never been awesome when it comes to cardio, I knew that my body was capable of doing a lot. Granted, I was twenty-three the last time I really made it do anything, but I knew I had it in me. The thing I learned very quickly is that you have to start somewhere when going from here to there. It is a path of small steps, especially to start with.

For my knees, I started taking glucosomine. I'm not sure if it did anything to help, but even if it was all in my head, it was worth it. I also took every low impact modification on the Shred that I could. I replaced higher impact cardio exercises with the low impact ones when I just could do it. (god I love punches) I almost immediately went out and got new shoes. I realized I couldn't do some of the abs stuff because of my flabby stomach, so I repeated the exercises I could do when it came to the ones I couldn't (I still do that some). I stuck with it long enough to see that the third time was easier than the second time that was easier than the first time.

I got a good sports bra (well, I had one, but had never used it). I got mine from Title 9. They have great options for the big boobed, or just floppy boobed. If you aren't getting hit in the face by your boobs, exercise is a lot more fun. I also got good wicking pants. For me, I could do XXL from Target. If larger than that, I found a great site in JMS.

When it came to walking and eventually running, it wasn't any different. I started walking half a mile at a time. That is like five blocks. That is nothing to people who are remotely in shape. However, it was huge for me. Every few days I pushed myself farther. I pushed myself faster.

The most important thing I did was get myself a cheering squad. I participated in the Shredheads. Real life, online, it doesn't matter. I have nearly completely given up, but I didn't because I had the support of a community. Last fall was hard, and I quit for awhile, but I am back here, getting up at 5:30 in the morning (two days and counting) because I know that when it gets hard, there will be people here to help me.

Failing and Falling

So, that whole no sugar thing, yeah, I failed. I failed so much I have nearly given up.

I won't though, I will try again. I just think I bit off more than I could chew when we're talking about one of the roughest times of year for me. Not that if I want to accomplish my goals that I won't have to make it through the utter lack of sunlight that is January, it is just that doing much more than maintaining is tough.

So, I've scaled back my goals, at least until it gets nicer outside, and I'm just trying to stay fitting in all of my pants. I'm still working out more than I did the last few months of last year, and I've even started to try to change the schedule for that a bit.

Yesterday I did level 2 of the Shred before M went to bed. She did some stuff with me, and A helped her out some when needed. Tomorrow I try in the morning before she gets up, knowing that if she gets up while I'm working out, she knows what I am doing and thinks it is fun.

I'm buying some kid centered exercise DVD's off of Amazon so that we have things we can do together should my Shredding all the time bore her. I'm also trying to figure out how to include her in my walking when the weather gets warm. I'm thinking maybe a scooter for her birthday.

The only thing I still struggle with is diet. I know stress is driving my compulsion to eat, and that doesn't help. However, the larger issue is that I can't find good, affordable, quick to make food this time of year. Summer was so easy. I had the Farmer's Market, the fresh fruits/veggies and I had my grill to cook everything on. Now I want warm, comforting, and well, hibernation inducing foods.

Any good ideas?

Hotdish: A mishmash of thing

Lots of little things I keep meaning to post, but never seem to have the time to do.


The big arse entertainment center. Glass front doors, units like the two in front turned sideways to fit our odd space, three unrelated shelves, brackets, hole saws, a coffee table, and a few trips to Home Depot, and voila, it fits the stereo, the TV and the only slightly ancient speakers. Artwork to the right, my own, professionally framed. Artwork to the left, done by a family friend up north, of a frog, very similar to my tattoo.

The second Ikea project of the holidays. M has a lot of toys, at least for how much she seems to actually play with them. We have a small house and hate having her toys in the living room. She is very good at putting them away (thank you daycare) but didn't have anywhere to put them. The on the floor, easily accessible by a crawler/short person stuff we had before didn't fit her toys, or work for her now three and a half foot tall self. We added a collection of baskets and boxes. Some were from Ikea, most were from Target. Find of the whole thing? The large cube system cloth boxes sold by Target fit exactly in the cubes, like not a bit of extra room except maybe back to front. That one I loaded via Flickr so if you click on it you see all of the cool notes about what is in the picture.


Lastly, my new very hip French Lafont glasses. One of my coworkers said when she goes to get glasses she just tells them whatever pair she can get for 99 bucks for a complete pair. I veiw things a bit differently. I've been wearing glasses for over 25 years now and to me they are a huge part of my "look". I treat them like jewelry. They have to add something to what I look like. I've been settling the past few years for what I can get with my crappy vision plan. I already pay extra to get special lenses because of my horrid eye sight, so I usually go to a chain and get some random frame that is OK, just to get it mostly paid for. This year was an off year, but I really needed a new pair of glasses, so I sucked it up (and used the rest of my flex account) and went to one of the hippest local shops, eyedeals, and got a cool pair of frames. The added benefit, they are made really well and should be worth what I spent. I think the purple and green really works for me.

Food for the Soul

You wouldn't know it from the fact that I have a blog, or the fact that I work in a very service oriented field, but I am an introvert. I can talk and be loud with the best of them, but if I don't get my me time, I'm sort of a wreck. It also takes huge amounts of courage for me to go to any social event.

Due to that and some less than perfect timing (weeknights are hard) I didn't sign up immediately for the great blogger meetup/charity event that Missy organized awhile back. However, when the earthquake(s) in Haiti hit, and a last minute cancellation meant an opening, I felt like I had to participate.

I couldn't make it to the mixer earlier (which means I didn't meet as many people and didn't come home with a giant tomato can), but I did make it to the main event at Feed My Starving Children (FMSC).

You may have heard about them, they've been in the news a lot lately because their mission is to package nutritious meals to feed over a billion starving people around the world. One of the places they focus on is Haiti, the poorest nation in the Western hemisphere. In Haiti, 80 percent live in abject poverty. As in, not a little poor, but impoverished and barely living. It is a country with a complex past and a variety of issues. Issues compounded to the Nth degree by the multiple earthquakes lately.

So, FMSC is a Christian faith based organization that raises money to buy the raw supplies, locations, and shipping, and gets volunteers to do the work, and feeds millions of people around the world. I always struggle with the faith thing since that is not the path I have chosen, but while it is clearly a huge part of why they do what they do, it wasn't presented in a way that I had any issues with. Hunger knows no faith, so when it comes to helping those that it effects, I can easily set aside my issues with how some people represent their faith.

It was a great experience. I got to meet some new bloggers, I got to finally hug in person some of my favorite local bloggers. I even got to see that my shredding has inspired some others. Now I'm wishing I had been able to make it for the mixer portion. Maybe next time.

Photo credit Darcie Gust.

For other views on the evening, see Missy's post as well as the links to everyone else.