Tuesday, May 11, 2010

In Nonspecific Terms

If you follow me on Twitter, you likely would like an update to this, so here it is, in more than 140 characters. Well, also in nonspecific ways because I have absolutely no desire to get dooced. (wait, I thought that was technically a word now, why is spell checker not happy with it)

Yesterday there was "an incident" that basically came down to an issue of respect for me. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Part of a long pattern of... issues.

So, I quit. I didn't ask my husband, I told him. I just did it. Then I cried. A lot.

When I finally found a person to resign to (what, there are a lot of meetings) she rightly talked me in to waiting. You know, talking to my husband, and making a well thought out decision. (I adore her, not everyone would do this)

Then you know, I tweeted about it.

So I went home. A couldn't concentrate having been shocked by his wife, so he came home too. We talked it out. There was a lot more crying. There was also a budget spreadsheet. We figured it out. It could be done. It would suck. There would be strict rules. There would be little to no wiggle room. There would be no more expensive haircuts. There would be no vacations, no BlogHer, no movies (maybe a matinee), no new clothes. There would be crappy health insurance (mine rocks, his does not), there would be big changes. There would be a need if we wanted to have any fun, that I work part time. Either freelance or go back to my Barista skills.

However, there would be no worrying about M getting in to a school just because it had before and after care. There would be working out, during the day, like a normal person. (instead of timing it to right before sunset) There would be playdates. (thank you Twitter) There could be sharing childcare occasionally with my SIL, and maybe letting the girls play together more. There would be the possibility that we could afford another kid. (two in daycare, way too expensive) There would be adjustments, but I would get to do the art projects, instead of getting them in a pocket on a wall from school.

There was also the realization that we are not managing our finances well at all. We (well, I) have debts. If we can afford to have me not work, then we should be able to afford to save and pay off debts. Regardless of the outcome of the meeting, something would need to change.

So today, at work, there was talking. There is a plan. There is an understanding that if I want to quit my job, then it needs to be because I want to do it for me and for my family and not because of "an incident". No matter what, "the incident" would be handled. If I wanted to look at options for a flexible schedule, or if I wanted to leave and stay home, we could consider that in the future. I am in a position of control. I have control over my own future. I do not have to work.

It is freeing. It is relaxing. It may help me focus.

So we are instituting the new way of managing the finances. Today, I handed over my credit cards to my husband. In June, when the new budget starts, everything changes. It will be good.

I want to pay off debts. I want to get in a better place on a few things. Then I will reevaluate the work schedule thing. If I still feel like I need to do it, I have submit a proposal for flex time or a reduced schedule. I am in control.


Suzi said...

Wow, you are truly in control of this situation! I think it's great that you and your husband took a hard look at things and really figure out what it would take and what you want. And, kudos to your employer for being so flexible and understanding. That's HUGE. AWESOME. Good Luck and can't wait to hear what you decide to do in June. :)

Boston Mamas said...

These decisions are so challenging but you're in a good position, having looked through the details (which was not what I did when I left my job!).

Regardless, I really do think things happen for a reason and work out if you set your intentions. Sometimes it takes a major leap of faith.

Wishing you luck and sending hugs. -Christine

LutherLiz said...

I'm so proud of you. Way to take control! Good luck getting it figured out. :)

Anonymous said...

Good for you, Amelia!! I'm sending good money-saving thoughts your way. You can do it!

- Celeste

PikaPikaChick said...

I'm glad everything worked out for you!

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you, for taking the steps of figure out what is best for you and your family and for realizing what you would need in order to do it. That step is sometimes the hardest one to take.

Heather said...

I saw your posts on Twitter and was hoping you'd be able to write more about this. I do admire your courage and I'm glad everything worked out. My goal is to also get into a position where I am in control of my work situation, but for me that's only going to come when we're finally able to pay down the bills and learn to live without (or with less of) my income. Any threats to quit right now would probably be greeted with applause :-). They could easily hire someone to do my job for much less.

andreaberg said...

Congratulations! I am so happy you get to do this on your own terms. And how freeing to know that you can stay home if you want / need to. Not everyone (hello..me) have that option and it is paralyzing. I am also impressed that your employer is actually going to do something and help and giving you options.

Britni Danielle of This Side of the Wall said...

while i didn't see the tweets in question (i was at work lol), i can tell you there is nothing MORE freeing than being in control of your own shit. i'm trying to get there...i'm so glad you made it!

The Marketing Mama said...

Glad you gave this bigger update here, I was wondering more of the behind the scenes. ANd I'm glad you are okay, of course. And find it interesting that it is leading to you making different decisions about your finances. Interesting! Good luck with everything!!!