There have already been some great BlogHer posts, but a conversation today on Twitter got me thinking. Does all of us getting excited about what to wear and what we want to do put pressure on people that they don't need to have?
For the record, this is not about pressure. That just isn't me. Last year my excitement about what to wear was all around having lost 20+ pounds and getting new clothes. This year it is about being good and saving up so that I could get some new stuff for work, but wear it to BlogHer first.
First, let me say, that I would be most comfortable, if the weather cooperated, in jeans and a t-shirt. Not a raggy/baggy t-shirt, but something comfortable. Work requires that I dress up, but still be able to crawl under a desk. Yeah, not so easy. For people who live all the time in jeans and t-shirts, I can see how it would be nice to dress up. Me, I want to dress down.
That however does not jive much with me wanting to also be more professional this year. Also, it doesn't work with what I know NYC summer heat to be like. So, here are my suggestions, based on my personal style and choices.
1. If you are a t-shirt person, try to make it look more dressed up. My personal favorites are tiny gauge cotton sweaters with some nice detail like off center buttons or a ruffle. As comfortable and easy to care for as a t-shirt, but they look nicer.
2. Accessorize. At the beginning of the year I set a goal to wear more earring/jewelry. I am happy to say I have succeeded. While I do not understand the Statement Necklace, I am all for some awesome handmade earrings. I would be beyond sad if I lost my favorites, but none are so valuable that I am afraid to travel with them.
3. Dress for the evening. If you wear jeans, bring along a sparkly top for the parties. I'm bringing a sparkly top, to go with jeans, a cute dress, and another cute dress. I think. After a day of running around the conference, I definitely wanted to freshen up and change.
4. If you bring the cute high heels, and you aren't used to wearing them, break them in first. Good way to find out that they perhaps you are not a 12 in that brand like you thought you were, before you can't return them. Not that I would know anything about that... Bring comfy shoes for when you need them (like when you join me to get hotdogs for my birthday, it will be a hike) Also, don't mangle the back of your heel doing a home pedicure the day before you leave. You will spend lots of money trying to find a bandaid to protect yourself so you can wear the cute shoes. Again, not that I would know about that.
5. Bring your favorite most comfy clothes that are still publicly acceptable to travel home in. You will be beat. You will want comfort. I'm sad my favorite pair of traveling pants are too big to wear again this year. I'm on the hunt for something else.
Showing posts with label the momma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the momma. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Whatnot and Such
I am knee deep in the middle of unbloggable things. Nothing life shattering, just a stress of work and family things. So instead of just leaving this space blank, I thought I'd blog about my BlogHer prep.
This will be my second year. Right now, it is the only blogging conference I go to, mostly because I have a friend that also goes. Two years ago, I wanted to go, badly, but I had just started more serious blogging (hah! hardly serious now) and everyone I knew was going. So, last year I figured out how to make it work, and I went.
Then I spent a good part of it in my room, totally overwhelmed by the crowds, the swag, and did I mention the crowds? However, I also had one of the best experiences of my life in one of the best sessions ever.
This year, I plan on figuring out some balance. My plan is to seek quieter places to connect with people. Last year I had the most fun just hanging out in quiet suites with people. I also plan on getting out to see the city. It used to be my home, I am comfortable there, and I plan on celebrating my birthday with a little indulgence.
Also on my list, before I go, is a big move. Last year post BlogHer I said I wanted to do this, and I am finally making good on it. I will be moving to ameliasprout.com some time around 8/1. I've committed to it, by putting the new address on my business cards. I've hired someone to do a header for me, and even if they aren't done in time, I have a backup plan in place.
This next year is going to be a big year for me. I am working hard to meet some major goals, and while I can't get in to details yet, this is just the start of it.
Next topic, for tomorrow. Clothes.
This will be my second year. Right now, it is the only blogging conference I go to, mostly because I have a friend that also goes. Two years ago, I wanted to go, badly, but I had just started more serious blogging (hah! hardly serious now) and everyone I knew was going. So, last year I figured out how to make it work, and I went.
Then I spent a good part of it in my room, totally overwhelmed by the crowds, the swag, and did I mention the crowds? However, I also had one of the best experiences of my life in one of the best sessions ever.
This year, I plan on figuring out some balance. My plan is to seek quieter places to connect with people. Last year I had the most fun just hanging out in quiet suites with people. I also plan on getting out to see the city. It used to be my home, I am comfortable there, and I plan on celebrating my birthday with a little indulgence.
Also on my list, before I go, is a big move. Last year post BlogHer I said I wanted to do this, and I am finally making good on it. I will be moving to ameliasprout.com some time around 8/1. I've committed to it, by putting the new address on my business cards. I've hired someone to do a header for me, and even if they aren't done in time, I have a backup plan in place.
This next year is going to be a big year for me. I am working hard to meet some major goals, and while I can't get in to details yet, this is just the start of it.
Next topic, for tomorrow. Clothes.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Little Voices
I have always sort of felt that my body had betrayed me when it came to food. I never seemed to get that whole "you're satisfied, quit eating" thing. I never really heard a damn thing until it got to the "holy, hanah, are we ever stuffed" point. That whole reasonable portion thing never seemed to work for me.
Maybe it was a childhood with a killer metabolism (I could out eat just about anybody, and still was skinny, pre-puberty), maybe it was just my brain's screwy wiring. You know, the stuff that causes depression, and in some in my family, addiction.
Whatever it was, it never seemed to be there.
So, based on a part of the whole "fat acceptance" movement (oh, I could write a lot about that) I've been trying lately to not worry about every little calorie that I take in, and just listen, really good and hard, to what my body is trying to tell me. Eat when I am hungry, not just because it is "lunch time". Stop when I am satisfied, not stuffed. Eat the foods that I crave, trusting that my body knows what it needs.
So far, it seems to be working. Well, sort of. I hear it. There are however some conflicting voices in there. Namely the one saying, "you're stressed, you deserve the candy". I'm pleased that the good voice is really there. I don't feel like I'm quite so broken anymore. I just wish the other voice wasn't winning out so much.
Going in to BlogHer, to go along with my commitment to running, I'm going to try to let the good voice win out. Perhaps while imagining it as a cartoon dog dressed as an angel on my shoulder. Just to help it out, I'm going to do my best to keep healthier snacks available. If the stress does win out, at least I can give it something better than a Twix for it's trouble.
Maybe it was a childhood with a killer metabolism (I could out eat just about anybody, and still was skinny, pre-puberty), maybe it was just my brain's screwy wiring. You know, the stuff that causes depression, and in some in my family, addiction.
Whatever it was, it never seemed to be there.
So, based on a part of the whole "fat acceptance" movement (oh, I could write a lot about that) I've been trying lately to not worry about every little calorie that I take in, and just listen, really good and hard, to what my body is trying to tell me. Eat when I am hungry, not just because it is "lunch time". Stop when I am satisfied, not stuffed. Eat the foods that I crave, trusting that my body knows what it needs.
So far, it seems to be working. Well, sort of. I hear it. There are however some conflicting voices in there. Namely the one saying, "you're stressed, you deserve the candy". I'm pleased that the good voice is really there. I don't feel like I'm quite so broken anymore. I just wish the other voice wasn't winning out so much.
Going in to BlogHer, to go along with my commitment to running, I'm going to try to let the good voice win out. Perhaps while imagining it as a cartoon dog dressed as an angel on my shoulder. Just to help it out, I'm going to do my best to keep healthier snacks available. If the stress does win out, at least I can give it something better than a Twix for it's trouble.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Localvore
Every so often I'll get a #FollowFriday on Twitter for being a resource for local foods. I'm even in the feed on the side of Simple Good & Tasty even though I am writing about my weight more than I am writing about food. Well, sort of related. Honestly, I don't really understand it, until I take the time to look in the other shopping carts at the grocery store.
My trips to the grocery store this time of year are incredibly short. There is lactose free milk for the husband, yogurt (Greek for me, easily digestible for him, poor lactose intolerant guy), sandwich fixings, soup for lunches, cheese, some fruit (cheaper at the grocery stores, and most comes from the States this time of year), paper products, cleaning supplies, and occasionally meat. If I look in others there are processed food products, lots of meat, canned veggies and fruits, frozen meals, and a variety of things that are in season locally.
To me, there just isn't another way to eat. I forget that not everyone grew up on an organic veggie farm. If it is available locally, and I have any inkling how to cook it, I buy it at the farmer's market. This morning I bought potatoes, carrots, green, yellow & purple beans, tomatoes (mine aren't ripe just yet), locally made brats (tasty) and some locally made pastries for breakfast. I have in my fridge from the last week, garlic, onions, cauliflower & beats. I also picked out of our garden peas, green beans (half a meal's worth), two jalepenos and more cucumbers than I know just what to do with.
This week well have those brats, burgers made from ground beef from our meat share, and lots of veggies at every meal.
This is my time of year. This is the time of year when I lose the most weight. I feed my sweet tooth with in season fruits like watermelon, berries, and tomatoes. I feel free to eat as much as I can of my favorite foods, because they are in season and priced right.
If you are not shopping at your local Farmer's Market, I'm wondering why. They are all over the place, on nearly every day of the week. It doesn't require a trip to Minneapolis to find one any more. They are all over the burbs. If you are in the city however, every neighborhood has them. Even North Minneapolis where I live.
When I am at the market, I focus on locally grown food. I also try to support the minority farmers whenever possible. (for a good piece on that, see this) I know that there are some that avoid them, and their sometimes foreign offerings, but I know that they often have the best food, and the best price.
If you're in MN and would like to find good local food, try here. If you are not local, find your own local market and explore. Bring cash, some reusable bags, and an open mind. You will not be disappointed.
My trips to the grocery store this time of year are incredibly short. There is lactose free milk for the husband, yogurt (Greek for me, easily digestible for him, poor lactose intolerant guy), sandwich fixings, soup for lunches, cheese, some fruit (cheaper at the grocery stores, and most comes from the States this time of year), paper products, cleaning supplies, and occasionally meat. If I look in others there are processed food products, lots of meat, canned veggies and fruits, frozen meals, and a variety of things that are in season locally.
To me, there just isn't another way to eat. I forget that not everyone grew up on an organic veggie farm. If it is available locally, and I have any inkling how to cook it, I buy it at the farmer's market. This morning I bought potatoes, carrots, green, yellow & purple beans, tomatoes (mine aren't ripe just yet), locally made brats (tasty) and some locally made pastries for breakfast. I have in my fridge from the last week, garlic, onions, cauliflower & beats. I also picked out of our garden peas, green beans (half a meal's worth), two jalepenos and more cucumbers than I know just what to do with.
This week well have those brats, burgers made from ground beef from our meat share, and lots of veggies at every meal.
This is my time of year. This is the time of year when I lose the most weight. I feed my sweet tooth with in season fruits like watermelon, berries, and tomatoes. I feel free to eat as much as I can of my favorite foods, because they are in season and priced right.
If you are not shopping at your local Farmer's Market, I'm wondering why. They are all over the place, on nearly every day of the week. It doesn't require a trip to Minneapolis to find one any more. They are all over the burbs. If you are in the city however, every neighborhood has them. Even North Minneapolis where I live.
When I am at the market, I focus on locally grown food. I also try to support the minority farmers whenever possible. (for a good piece on that, see this) I know that there are some that avoid them, and their sometimes foreign offerings, but I know that they often have the best food, and the best price.
If you're in MN and would like to find good local food, try here. If you are not local, find your own local market and explore. Bring cash, some reusable bags, and an open mind. You will not be disappointed.
Friday, July 9, 2010
The Long and the Short of It
I have an odd body of sorts. It is the body of someone who once weighed over 300 pounds (while pregnant), the body of a mom and the body of somebody who while getting healthier, still loves cookies and ice cream perhaps a bit too much. I carry my weight relatively evenly, with a concentration of excess skin and some fat around my mid section. (I believe the semi technical term is "apron" but I find that moderately annoying) I also carrying some excess skin and flabbyness in my inner thighs. My upper thighs, even at my skinniest, have always rubbed together. I also have some serious calves. I have ever since I was a swimmer.
It is not your average runner's body, and it likely never will be.
Finding clothes that work for me is hard. Finding running clothes that work for me is near impossible. I need something that fits my body, but doesn't really show much of it. I also need something that is wicking, since I sweat like a... well, lets just say I'll need a towel after the BlogHer 5K more than I'll need breakfast.
For shirts I wear a XXL singlet from Champion's Target line. It is a little short for my comfort, but it does the job. I can't imagine sleeves in weather like this. After having seen what my husband got for himself, I may hit the men's section next time to get a longer singlet.
For shorts so far the only things I've liked is the REI OXT Fleet Short 6" inseam women's running short. They are roomy, but not too baggy, long enough not to ride up, they cover the parts that rub, they have a drawstring so I can cinch them in, and they have a long enough rise. They also have the built in undies, which are nice, believe it or not. You just have to wash them every time you wear them.
I tried a Moving Comfort plus size short, but the rise was too short, and it didn't cover the tummy skin. I want to try some of the options from Athleta, since they have a some non cotton Bermuda length shorts. I also think I may try tights at some point, or spandex shorts. That would be when a longer shirt would be nice. Or maybe a skirt without anything underneath. I am also looking at this skirt from REI. In fact, the whole OXT line looks good. I'm especially fond of the fact that they have extended sizes. Not that I need them now, but I know how hard finding good fitness clothing can be when you don't fit the norm. I am beyond frustrated that a number of women's fitness clothing companies stop all of the serious gear at size 14. I'm looking at you Title 9.
What do you like? I am always open to suggestions.
Disclosure: The only connection to anything mentioned is that I am an REI Coop member. I get a dividend, but only for money I actually spend.
It is not your average runner's body, and it likely never will be.
Finding clothes that work for me is hard. Finding running clothes that work for me is near impossible. I need something that fits my body, but doesn't really show much of it. I also need something that is wicking, since I sweat like a... well, lets just say I'll need a towel after the BlogHer 5K more than I'll need breakfast.
For shirts I wear a XXL singlet from Champion's Target line. It is a little short for my comfort, but it does the job. I can't imagine sleeves in weather like this. After having seen what my husband got for himself, I may hit the men's section next time to get a longer singlet.
For shorts so far the only things I've liked is the REI OXT Fleet Short 6" inseam women's running short. They are roomy, but not too baggy, long enough not to ride up, they cover the parts that rub, they have a drawstring so I can cinch them in, and they have a long enough rise. They also have the built in undies, which are nice, believe it or not. You just have to wash them every time you wear them.
I tried a Moving Comfort plus size short, but the rise was too short, and it didn't cover the tummy skin. I want to try some of the options from Athleta, since they have a some non cotton Bermuda length shorts. I also think I may try tights at some point, or spandex shorts. That would be when a longer shirt would be nice. Or maybe a skirt without anything underneath. I am also looking at this skirt from REI. In fact, the whole OXT line looks good. I'm especially fond of the fact that they have extended sizes. Not that I need them now, but I know how hard finding good fitness clothing can be when you don't fit the norm. I am beyond frustrated that a number of women's fitness clothing companies stop all of the serious gear at size 14. I'm looking at you Title 9.
What do you like? I am always open to suggestions.
Disclosure: The only connection to anything mentioned is that I am an REI Coop member. I get a dividend, but only for money I actually spend.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
16,368 feet, 4,988 meters (for you Canadians)
Due to rain, and visits to the in-laws for the best fireworks in town, and romantic dinner dates with my awesome husband, I hadn't run since last Saturday. Today was my last day with no kiddo for the foreseeable future so I made the most of it...
...and ran 3.1 miles (fine maybe just three when you figure in the half a block to and from the parkway)
I ran three miles.
I don't think I've ever run three miles in my life. Seriously, like never. Well, until today.
The best part is, it will not be the last time I do it. I may even do something crazy, like run four or even five miles.
I still need to add another half a mile to get to what I am have committed to do for BlogHer, but I'm trying not to think about that right now. Right now it is all about the three miles.
Three hard fought, delicious, take your breath away, make you sweat in the 80% humidity miles.
...and ran 3.1 miles (fine maybe just three when you figure in the half a block to and from the parkway)
I ran three miles.
I don't think I've ever run three miles in my life. Seriously, like never. Well, until today.
The best part is, it will not be the last time I do it. I may even do something crazy, like run four or even five miles.
I still need to add another half a mile to get to what I am have committed to do for BlogHer, but I'm trying not to think about that right now. Right now it is all about the three miles.
Three hard fought, delicious, take your breath away, make you sweat in the 80% humidity miles.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
And How Have You Been?
Me, I've been just enjoying. Three days last week, two days this week, of no M. I miss her sure, but I also have enjoyed working late, swearing whenever I want, and sleeping in. The lack of whining has been... pleasant.
However, when she has been here, I realized how much she makes me smile. How much joy she brings to each day. How absolutely silly she is.
She has the same birthday as David Letterman (things you learn when you labor late at night), and from the very beginning she has been a ham. She could turn her little cries off an on, always knowing just how to work her parents. Thankfully, while she can still work us (and her grandparents, oh her poor grandparents), she is learning she gets more when she works us for laughs.
I have been successful in my career, in building and maintaining relationships, because I know when to make people laugh. There is a time and a place for serious, but more often than not, sometimes you just have to make people laugh, so they can get to a place where they can find solutions and resolutions. In my personal life, I find it far harder to have a sense of humor. She is teaching me to let go.
She will be home tomorrow night, in time for bedtime and snuggle and tucking in. My mom will be back through briefly on her way home to Colorado, and then she will be all ours again. I am sure we will celebrate by picking (and devouring) cucumbers, and perhaps this weekend (if this heat keeps up) our first cherry tomatoes.
However, when she has been here, I realized how much she makes me smile. How much joy she brings to each day. How absolutely silly she is.
She has the same birthday as David Letterman (things you learn when you labor late at night), and from the very beginning she has been a ham. She could turn her little cries off an on, always knowing just how to work her parents. Thankfully, while she can still work us (and her grandparents, oh her poor grandparents), she is learning she gets more when she works us for laughs.
I have been successful in my career, in building and maintaining relationships, because I know when to make people laugh. There is a time and a place for serious, but more often than not, sometimes you just have to make people laugh, so they can get to a place where they can find solutions and resolutions. In my personal life, I find it far harder to have a sense of humor. She is teaching me to let go.
She will be home tomorrow night, in time for bedtime and snuggle and tucking in. My mom will be back through briefly on her way home to Colorado, and then she will be all ours again. I am sure we will celebrate by picking (and devouring) cucumbers, and perhaps this weekend (if this heat keeps up) our first cherry tomatoes.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My Heart is Home
My baby is home! I will admit it, I really really enjoyed having a break. With work being so nuts, I enjoyed being able to just zone out when I got home. I didn't have to switch from bad day at work to dealing with a defiant three year old.
However, I am so happy to have her home. She barely wanted to hug and kiss A and I, but when it was time for bed, she saved hugging me for last, then asked for lullabies. Something she hardly ever does.
So I sang and snuggled and let her know silently that it was OK, even if she said she didn't miss me, I knew she did. I missed her too.
It starts now doesn't it, the growing up and away from us? She doesn't need for everything any more. She tests her boundaries and goes her own way more than she listens to me. She is exceptionally independent. My mother says more so than I ever was. (I was a late bloomer stubbornness wise, that happened as an adult)
I haven't written about it because I was afraid of being judged, but we've been having some behavior issues at school. I think she is getting bored. She's wanting to start learning how to sound out words, and do more with numbers, and as one of the oldest in class, she is struggling with the boredom. At least that is what I hope it is. She can be such a good kid, but she has never been one to do what was expected. 18 months of nursing using a nipple shield because she wouldn't have it any other way. Not even crawling until after she was a year old, then taking off. Walking just in time to be able to take the spot in a better daycare.
I am so screwed once we hit the teen years.
However, I am so happy to have her home. She barely wanted to hug and kiss A and I, but when it was time for bed, she saved hugging me for last, then asked for lullabies. Something she hardly ever does.
So I sang and snuggled and let her know silently that it was OK, even if she said she didn't miss me, I knew she did. I missed her too.
It starts now doesn't it, the growing up and away from us? She doesn't need for everything any more. She tests her boundaries and goes her own way more than she listens to me. She is exceptionally independent. My mother says more so than I ever was. (I was a late bloomer stubbornness wise, that happened as an adult)
I haven't written about it because I was afraid of being judged, but we've been having some behavior issues at school. I think she is getting bored. She's wanting to start learning how to sound out words, and do more with numbers, and as one of the oldest in class, she is struggling with the boredom. At least that is what I hope it is. She can be such a good kid, but she has never been one to do what was expected. 18 months of nursing using a nipple shield because she wouldn't have it any other way. Not even crawling until after she was a year old, then taking off. Walking just in time to be able to take the spot in a better daycare.
I am so screwed once we hit the teen years.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Going Home
We had a great time this weekend. Well, M and I had a great time. A tolerated being at a "family" wedding where the only people he knew enough to be comfortable around were the people actively involved in the wedding (bride, groom, parents, siblings of all). I got to see all of the people I really like from my home town that still live there. I got to show off my beautiful daughter in her twirling "wedding dress" (thanks to Stefania for sending that at just the right time). She charmed just about everyone. She especially took to the bride (I think it may have been the stunning dress and the fact that we talked about her wedding for days), and the mother of the bride. The mother of the bride is my second mom. The cool mom (sorry mom). She's the one I could talk to about stuff I couldn't talk to my own mom about. The funny part is, when I was about M's age, I really took to her too. I was the little kid following her around. Apples, trees, you know the rest.
We're back home, but M stayed up North to hang out with Grandma Tere (seen above). She is having a great time being entertained by all kinds of new people. Running around the property where I grew up. Getting in to trouble the bride's cousin's son. (who's dad was the resident troublemaker when I was a kid) Charming everyone she meets.
She has requested to not go home. Instead she would like Grandma to drive her right down to Nana & Grandpa D's. We're sort of hoping by Wednesday she'll miss us enough to come back here.
On the off chance that you ever find yourself in Fergus Falls, I would like to point out to you a couple of things. First, Falls Baking Co. Home of the best bread on the planet. No, not kidding. I've had a lot of bread, and Scott's can't be beat. Second, Stumbeano Coffee. I am a coffee nerd, and I'm here to tell you I had the best latte of my life on Sunday morning, at Cafe 116. Made by Greg Stumbo himself. I would like to bundle both of them up and move them closer to the rest of my life. In the mean time I'll settle for putting and order in with my mom for when she brings M back.
Whole Wheat Sour Dough, Oatmeal & a French Boule. I'd also like a pound of Greg's Espresso Roast. I need it ground, I can't do anything fine enough for my stove top Bialetti at home.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Learning Experience: Fat Girl Running Edition
Things I have learned as a fat girl running:
1. Thin fabrics and short lengths do not work in running skirts. I have too much floppy skin/fat on my inner thighs and it just can't hold its own against that part of my body. (but huge kudos to Running Skirts for the amazing customer service)
2. KT Tape is no match for the size of my knees and the amount I sweat. It lasted (mostly) through one run. Not long enough to justify the price for day to day. Perhaps for races though.
3. Random large men in large Cadillacs will give you props for your running when you dash across the street to get home.
4. So far I have found exactly one pair of running shorts that actually work (as in don't ride up) and that I am not completely freaked out to be seen in. It doesn't help that I have some extra belly skin and I'm tall. I suspect either of those things not being an issue would increase my choices.
5. This would not be possible without the support I get from a very diverse group of people online.
6. Morning comes way earlier than you want it to. It is however the only way to beat 90 degree heat.
1. Thin fabrics and short lengths do not work in running skirts. I have too much floppy skin/fat on my inner thighs and it just can't hold its own against that part of my body. (but huge kudos to Running Skirts for the amazing customer service)
2. KT Tape is no match for the size of my knees and the amount I sweat. It lasted (mostly) through one run. Not long enough to justify the price for day to day. Perhaps for races though.
3. Random large men in large Cadillacs will give you props for your running when you dash across the street to get home.
4. So far I have found exactly one pair of running shorts that actually work (as in don't ride up) and that I am not completely freaked out to be seen in. It doesn't help that I have some extra belly skin and I'm tall. I suspect either of those things not being an issue would increase my choices.
5. This would not be possible without the support I get from a very diverse group of people online.
6. Morning comes way earlier than you want it to. It is however the only way to beat 90 degree heat.
Monday, June 21, 2010
In the Nick
No matter what you call it, some times things happen right when they're supposed to.
I've been shy on writing posts lately because I seem to keep writing the same post over and over again. I'll give you the Reader's Digest version.
Work is stressful. I like to eat, especially when stressed. Being sick sucks. Exercising is hard.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Some times however, things all come together right when they should, and there is a little glimmer of light. Right before things could have completely taken a turn for the even darker.
Things like finding an awesome true story about love that helps you remember the early days of your great romance. Remember all of those wonderful things that brought you to where you are today. (On the off chance that you are like me and have lived in cave and have not read the true story of how Ree, The Pioneer Woman, and The Marlboro Man met & got married, before you click that link, get a box of tissues and call in sick to work. You will not be able to stop)
The above becomes especially timely when among other things you learn of another divorce in the making.
Things like taking your daughter to her first movie, at a drive in. To hell with commercialism and a sleep deprived kid the next day. It was an awesome Father's Day wish and a fun night out. She has discovered candy and there is no turning back now.
Things like going to the Dr. and having their scale show you lighter (fully clothed even) than your scale at home. (let's be honest, you never get on that thing with clothes on) Which is sort of awesome after you had a thoroughly demoralizing run the night before.
I'm sort of glad I held off on posting all of that woe is me crud. Annie may be right after all. The sun is shining brightly all of a sudden. (no kidding, it just came out as I was writing this)
Which means I may need to mow the lawn more than go for a run.
Naw, I hear the prairie look is totally in.
I've been shy on writing posts lately because I seem to keep writing the same post over and over again. I'll give you the Reader's Digest version.
Work is stressful. I like to eat, especially when stressed. Being sick sucks. Exercising is hard.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Some times however, things all come together right when they should, and there is a little glimmer of light. Right before things could have completely taken a turn for the even darker.
Things like finding an awesome true story about love that helps you remember the early days of your great romance. Remember all of those wonderful things that brought you to where you are today. (On the off chance that you are like me and have lived in cave and have not read the true story of how Ree, The Pioneer Woman, and The Marlboro Man met & got married, before you click that link, get a box of tissues and call in sick to work. You will not be able to stop)
The above becomes especially timely when among other things you learn of another divorce in the making.
Things like taking your daughter to her first movie, at a drive in. To hell with commercialism and a sleep deprived kid the next day. It was an awesome Father's Day wish and a fun night out. She has discovered candy and there is no turning back now.
Things like going to the Dr. and having their scale show you lighter (fully clothed even) than your scale at home. (let's be honest, you never get on that thing with clothes on) Which is sort of awesome after you had a thoroughly demoralizing run the night before.
I'm sort of glad I held off on posting all of that woe is me crud. Annie may be right after all. The sun is shining brightly all of a sudden. (no kidding, it just came out as I was writing this)
Which means I may need to mow the lawn more than go for a run.
Naw, I hear the prairie look is totally in.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Betty, Yeti, Neti...
I am a really horrible sick person. If you ask my husband I am a champion whiner. If I am sick, it just gets worse. Add to that my need to try to "tough it out" without any drugs for at least a day. You know, because your body has to do its thing to beat the disease. (the irony that I got that attitude from my "anti-drug" parents is not lost on me one little bit) Well, add it all up, and I might as well lock myself in a room because there is no way that I would want to spend any time with me either.
Except today we thought M might be getting sick too, so we kept her home with me. She watched a lot of TV, and my patience ran out about an hour before A got home.
Good thing he brought home spicy Indian food. Then encouraged me to take a bath to relax. Then didn't complain when I went out to get drugs to get me through work tomorrow right before bedtime.
So I've braved a neti pot for the first time (wow I am as congested as I feel), I've got Nyquil for tonight, and I gave over my ID to get the good drugs for tomorrow. We'll see if the opposite of anti-drug does any better.
Except today we thought M might be getting sick too, so we kept her home with me. She watched a lot of TV, and my patience ran out about an hour before A got home.
Good thing he brought home spicy Indian food. Then encouraged me to take a bath to relax. Then didn't complain when I went out to get drugs to get me through work tomorrow right before bedtime.
So I've braved a neti pot for the first time (wow I am as congested as I feel), I've got Nyquil for tonight, and I gave over my ID to get the good drugs for tomorrow. We'll see if the opposite of anti-drug does any better.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday Random Thoughts
I seem to have a bit of bloggers block, so prepare for a brain dump.
This morning I got up early before going to see the in-laws to go for a run. I figured that starting the day with some endorphins wouldn't hurt. I ran for 35 minutes, and extended my distance, including a quick warm-up & cool down to 2.5 miles. Still not going much faster, but trying to add in some sprints to push myself a little.
In-laws visit, total success. We brought down real tomatoes (local), Vaidahlia onions, and some ground beef from the farm that we get out meat share from. They loved the burgers, and M's only complaint was we were taking her home instead of leaving her there.
The boy we have always not really trusted in M's class, you know the one with the constantly running nose who's parents never show up to the parties, seems to really like her or something. When prepping for my last field trip hell, he came over and wanted to hold her hand. She rebuffed him quite soundly, and he went to the quiet corner to to sulk and perhaps shed a tear or two. She seems to have good taste, but poor guy. Perhaps if he gave up making "shooters" at people and invested in tissues he would stand a chance.
The whole family seems to have gotten a bit of a cold. Watery eyes, sniffles, popping ears, choking on the snot draining down the back of your throat (sorry, TMI but when you realize what is doing it, way better than the kid almost throwing up) and general crankiness. I thought for sure the run this AM would hold it off. Nope. First time that hasn't done it, so I must really be in for it. Anyone want to bet on if I manage to get in a run tomorrow?
At less than two months, I'm starting to get really excited about NYC and BlogHer. Like totally really excited. Would anyone be up to reading about me getting neurotic about it? May possibly include a few NYC tips for those interested. I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, I'm going to do it anyway.
Before BlogHer I need to get my act together and transfer things to the domain. This will require investing a little money in a template. It needs to be done. So, I will be getting a new template for Wordpress instead of some new shoes for BlogHer. Oh well. Shoes are under rated. I want to have a review section so I can divide out some gear reviews (all stuff I've bought, but still, want to segregate) I've been wanting to write. They include my favorite running gear for the fat (or not so fat) girls. (all stuff I've actually paid my own money for, people only send me running gear to review in my dreams)
My throat is calling for ice water and some serious vegging on the couch. Perhaps an early bedtime too. If tomorrow is a mother/daughter sick day, wish me well. We have four new movies including *shudder* the first Disney Princess movie I've ever owned.... (but not the first I've rented and watched repeatedly on demand) I caved, yes I did.
This morning I got up early before going to see the in-laws to go for a run. I figured that starting the day with some endorphins wouldn't hurt. I ran for 35 minutes, and extended my distance, including a quick warm-up & cool down to 2.5 miles. Still not going much faster, but trying to add in some sprints to push myself a little.
In-laws visit, total success. We brought down real tomatoes (local), Vaidahlia onions, and some ground beef from the farm that we get out meat share from. They loved the burgers, and M's only complaint was we were taking her home instead of leaving her there.
The boy we have always not really trusted in M's class, you know the one with the constantly running nose who's parents never show up to the parties, seems to really like her or something. When prepping for my last field trip hell, he came over and wanted to hold her hand. She rebuffed him quite soundly, and he went to the quiet corner to to sulk and perhaps shed a tear or two. She seems to have good taste, but poor guy. Perhaps if he gave up making "shooters" at people and invested in tissues he would stand a chance.
The whole family seems to have gotten a bit of a cold. Watery eyes, sniffles, popping ears, choking on the snot draining down the back of your throat (sorry, TMI but when you realize what is doing it, way better than the kid almost throwing up) and general crankiness. I thought for sure the run this AM would hold it off. Nope. First time that hasn't done it, so I must really be in for it. Anyone want to bet on if I manage to get in a run tomorrow?
At less than two months, I'm starting to get really excited about NYC and BlogHer. Like totally really excited. Would anyone be up to reading about me getting neurotic about it? May possibly include a few NYC tips for those interested. I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, I'm going to do it anyway.
Before BlogHer I need to get my act together and transfer things to the domain. This will require investing a little money in a template. It needs to be done. So, I will be getting a new template for Wordpress instead of some new shoes for BlogHer. Oh well. Shoes are under rated. I want to have a review section so I can divide out some gear reviews (all stuff I've bought, but still, want to segregate) I've been wanting to write. They include my favorite running gear for the fat (or not so fat) girls. (all stuff I've actually paid my own money for, people only send me running gear to review in my dreams)
My throat is calling for ice water and some serious vegging on the couch. Perhaps an early bedtime too. If tomorrow is a mother/daughter sick day, wish me well. We have four new movies including *shudder* the first Disney Princess movie I've ever owned.... (but not the first I've rented and watched repeatedly on demand) I caved, yes I did.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Fat Girl Running
The whole time I've been doing the Couch to 5K, I've been focused on just making it through so I could make it to the next thing. There was always the next interval to make it to.
I'm here. I'm at the last interval. I can run 30 minutes.
The next part, this part I'm not so sure about.
I need to go faster, and I need to go farther.
I don't know how to get there. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this.
Tonight when I was running, I felt fat for the first time since I started this. The faster I try to go, the more that I bounce. It is uncomfortable and frustrating.
So I think the next thing is to just keep trying to farther. The pace I'm going is slow, but it is going none the less. It is doing what it needs to do right now. Maybe I'll always be really slow.
Who knows though. Maybe the fast will happen some day.
I'm here. I'm at the last interval. I can run 30 minutes.
The next part, this part I'm not so sure about.
I need to go faster, and I need to go farther.
I don't know how to get there. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this.
Tonight when I was running, I felt fat for the first time since I started this. The faster I try to go, the more that I bounce. It is uncomfortable and frustrating.
So I think the next thing is to just keep trying to farther. The pace I'm going is slow, but it is going none the less. It is doing what it needs to do right now. Maybe I'll always be really slow.
Who knows though. Maybe the fast will happen some day.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Thirty Minutes
There was a time, when I wasn't sure I would ever be able to run a minute. I could barely walk a mile comfortably, so there was no way I would ever be able to run.
Then I worked harder. I survived the Jillian's shredding. I kept walking until a mile became two, became three miles in under an hour. I biked to work with forty-five pounds of kid and gear.
I still didn't believe that I would actually become a runner.
I started though, determined to conquer something new in my quest for a healthier me.
A ran for a minute. One minute became ninety seconds. Ninety seconds became two minutes, became three minutes. Then five, eight and ten.
Tonight it was 30 minutes. 2.14 miles.
I have a hard time imagining that I will ever go faster than I do right now. But my 15 minute mile has already become a 14.5 minute mile. Eventually, with some luck and a lot of hard work, it will be a 10 minute mile.
Then I worked harder. I survived the Jillian's shredding. I kept walking until a mile became two, became three miles in under an hour. I biked to work with forty-five pounds of kid and gear.
I still didn't believe that I would actually become a runner.
I started though, determined to conquer something new in my quest for a healthier me.
A ran for a minute. One minute became ninety seconds. Ninety seconds became two minutes, became three minutes. Then five, eight and ten.
Tonight it was 30 minutes. 2.14 miles.
I have a hard time imagining that I will ever go faster than I do right now. But my 15 minute mile has already become a 14.5 minute mile. Eventually, with some luck and a lot of hard work, it will be a 10 minute mile.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Constant Craving
This summer at BlogHer, provided that I can afford it, I want to get another tattoo. I want a small sprout, for M, because she is my little sprout.
However, the way things have been going lately, I think I should get this tattooed somewhere...
Reasons not to have that ice cream, cake, brownie, soda, ice cream cake, cookie, chocolate, etc...
1. One pound of weight is five pounds of force on your knees. Every step puts an excess 350 pounds of weight on each knee. OW! They hurt more just thinking about that.
2. Skinny jeans
3. Size Medium
4. Sun dresses with strappy straps.
5. Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, and J. Freaking Crew
6. Totally being a showoff about your mad running skillz.
7. Living a life without insulin, or drugs that make you sick, or worries about something preventable.
8. Getting in on the leggings and flowing top trend before it goes
9. Boots without wide shanks
10. The rest of your damn life, is it really worth all of that sugar?
However, the way things have been going lately, I think I should get this tattooed somewhere...
Reasons not to have that ice cream, cake, brownie, soda, ice cream cake, cookie, chocolate, etc...
1. One pound of weight is five pounds of force on your knees. Every step puts an excess 350 pounds of weight on each knee. OW! They hurt more just thinking about that.
2. Skinny jeans
3. Size Medium
4. Sun dresses with strappy straps.
5. Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, and J. Freaking Crew
6. Totally being a showoff about your mad running skillz.
7. Living a life without insulin, or drugs that make you sick, or worries about something preventable.
8. Getting in on the leggings and flowing top trend before it goes
9. Boots without wide shanks
10. The rest of your damn life, is it really worth all of that sugar?
Monday, May 17, 2010
With a Little Help
Tonight I did Week 4 of C25K. For the third time. By all rights, I should be using this opportunity to move on to Week 5, but I won't be doing it.
I want to succeed at this. I NEED to succeed at this. I find it so easy to give up sometimes, and I know I can't give up on this. There is a prize at the end and it is having the life that I want. So, I don't move on until I know I have mastered the current week. I don't move on until I know I will succeed when I try the next. It is a feeling, where I don't struggle through every run. It is when I can sprint at the end of the runs and really open up my lungs and stretch out my legs.
Last week, during all that rain and miserable cold weather, A said something to me that stung. When I said that I wasn't going out, he said that that was the me that he knew. Finding excuses.
Before you think that he was just being and ass, because I sort of did that already, know this. He knows me very well. He knows that sometimes to really get motivated, I need to get pissed.
So instead of making excuses, or just doing the Shred, I went out, and ran, in the pouring rain. When I called him out on the whole giving up thing, he did point out that it worked. He knew exactly what he was saying to me and why. I am so lucky that I have someone that will support me through all of this.
He hangs with the kid, gets baths ready, and often puts her to bed. He does it without complaining one little bit. It makes me want to not give up. It makes me run when I have a tickle in the back of my throat. It makes me run when I don't want to. It is what is going to make this a success.
This last March we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I wanted to write a post for him, but I couldn't figure out what to write. From the beginning, our relationship has felt private, and special, and I didn't know what if anything I wanted to share. However, here a couple of months later, I finally figured it out. I wouldn't be where I am right now, if I didn't have his love and support.
Happy (late) Anniversary honey bunches.
I want to succeed at this. I NEED to succeed at this. I find it so easy to give up sometimes, and I know I can't give up on this. There is a prize at the end and it is having the life that I want. So, I don't move on until I know I have mastered the current week. I don't move on until I know I will succeed when I try the next. It is a feeling, where I don't struggle through every run. It is when I can sprint at the end of the runs and really open up my lungs and stretch out my legs.
Last week, during all that rain and miserable cold weather, A said something to me that stung. When I said that I wasn't going out, he said that that was the me that he knew. Finding excuses.
Before you think that he was just being and ass, because I sort of did that already, know this. He knows me very well. He knows that sometimes to really get motivated, I need to get pissed.
So instead of making excuses, or just doing the Shred, I went out, and ran, in the pouring rain. When I called him out on the whole giving up thing, he did point out that it worked. He knew exactly what he was saying to me and why. I am so lucky that I have someone that will support me through all of this.
He hangs with the kid, gets baths ready, and often puts her to bed. He does it without complaining one little bit. It makes me want to not give up. It makes me run when I have a tickle in the back of my throat. It makes me run when I don't want to. It is what is going to make this a success.
This last March we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I wanted to write a post for him, but I couldn't figure out what to write. From the beginning, our relationship has felt private, and special, and I didn't know what if anything I wanted to share. However, here a couple of months later, I finally figured it out. I wouldn't be where I am right now, if I didn't have his love and support.
Happy (late) Anniversary honey bunches.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Busy Little Bee
What happens when you have an early Spring, followed by like five days of cold, rain, and maybe a little snow, then a super nice weekend right when the Minnesotan's should be planting?
Catch-up.
This weekends accomplishments include but are not limited to:
Got a new phone that allows me to be more connected, even when, ummm, working.
Going to the Mill City Market (OMG, how did it take this long for me to find this gem!!!) for the first time and partaking of some amazing Banh Mi from Dim Sum Street. We also had Indian Spiced Donuts from The Chef Shack. For later (read, breakfast tomorrow) I have two tarts from Queen of Tarts (who clearly need a website with a name that cool).
All of the above was thanks to needing to pick up our first meat CSA delivery from Brauchers Sunshine Harvest Farm. So far we have had some sausage patties, and they do not disappoint. We are having hamburgers tomorrow.
Hit Johnstock (part of the Art-a-Whirl activities in NE) and ran in to the always wonderful Andrea. Who I happened to know was at Crafty Planet (I was already headed that direction) thanks to mobile Twitter. Hee. We got M some pony tail holders that if she ever listens she will get to wear. I also got a new necklace and a Wonder Woman zipper pouch. Totally psyched about my cool recycled pouch.
Got a run in. (C25K Week 4 - Day 2, still alive, so it must be working)
Made my first trip to Home Depot to buy 32 board feet of 10 x 2's to build two new raised gardens, sixteen brackets to hold the boards together, and some compost & peat moss.
Built one of the new containers.
Added some compost to existing beds and planted 8 pepper plants, four cucumbers and two tomatoes. Oh, and some basil, parsley and rosemary.
Played around with the new phone some.
Worked Sunday morning including a trip to the office where M got to go with and watch HD PBS Kids in the break room (I will now quit mocking the need for TV's in the break room).
Made breakfast with the sausage from Brauchers, pancakes and a sauce made from local rhubarb we got at the market. Oh, and lattes too. Mmmm...
Made another container for the garden.
Went to Home Depot again for another 400* pounds of compost and gas for the grill (stinker ran out in the middle of grilling the onions Saturday night).
Finished filling the beds with compost & peat moss. Got a call from a friend who had extra dirt. Added some of that, and planted four more tomatoes, and from seeds, beans, peas, radishes, broccoli (why yes, I am crazy), beets, sunflowers and cilantro.
Mowed two thirds of the yard.
Made dinner, it was tasty.
Resisted temptation to reward myself for a busy active day and didn't have a beer or a coke (though I may still have the beer)
Went grocery shopping. (hate it when staples like bandaids, ibuprofin and tissues blow your budget)
Now, some laundry, dishes, and yeah, I think I'll have that beer. (good micro brew stuff from out East that we love, a special treat for someone like me who rarely drinks)
*If you count just the compost bags, which cumulatively around 500 pounds. I figure I moved each bag at least four times (Depot to cart, cart to car, car to wheelbarrow (easy slide to the ground) and then the finally dump in place). Which means when you figure in the wood, the extra dirt, etc, I figure that I lifted and moved around close to a ton and a half, maybe two tons this weekend. Holy bananas!!!
**Don't forget your sun screen. No matter how nice it is, if you're outside for longer than like half an hour, wear it. Just think of my fat red arms to remind you.
Catch-up.
This weekends accomplishments include but are not limited to:
Got a new phone that allows me to be more connected, even when, ummm, working.
Going to the Mill City Market (OMG, how did it take this long for me to find this gem!!!) for the first time and partaking of some amazing Banh Mi from Dim Sum Street. We also had Indian Spiced Donuts from The Chef Shack. For later (read, breakfast tomorrow) I have two tarts from Queen of Tarts (who clearly need a website with a name that cool).
All of the above was thanks to needing to pick up our first meat CSA delivery from Brauchers Sunshine Harvest Farm. So far we have had some sausage patties, and they do not disappoint. We are having hamburgers tomorrow.
Hit Johnstock (part of the Art-a-Whirl activities in NE) and ran in to the always wonderful Andrea. Who I happened to know was at Crafty Planet (I was already headed that direction) thanks to mobile Twitter. Hee. We got M some pony tail holders that if she ever listens she will get to wear. I also got a new necklace and a Wonder Woman zipper pouch. Totally psyched about my cool recycled pouch.
Got a run in. (C25K Week 4 - Day 2, still alive, so it must be working)
Made my first trip to Home Depot to buy 32 board feet of 10 x 2's to build two new raised gardens, sixteen brackets to hold the boards together, and some compost & peat moss.
Built one of the new containers.
Added some compost to existing beds and planted 8 pepper plants, four cucumbers and two tomatoes. Oh, and some basil, parsley and rosemary.
Played around with the new phone some.
Worked Sunday morning including a trip to the office where M got to go with and watch HD PBS Kids in the break room (I will now quit mocking the need for TV's in the break room).
Made breakfast with the sausage from Brauchers, pancakes and a sauce made from local rhubarb we got at the market. Oh, and lattes too. Mmmm...
Made another container for the garden.
Went to Home Depot again for another 400* pounds of compost and gas for the grill (stinker ran out in the middle of grilling the onions Saturday night).
Finished filling the beds with compost & peat moss. Got a call from a friend who had extra dirt. Added some of that, and planted four more tomatoes, and from seeds, beans, peas, radishes, broccoli (why yes, I am crazy), beets, sunflowers and cilantro.
Mowed two thirds of the yard.
Made dinner, it was tasty.
Resisted temptation to reward myself for a busy active day and didn't have a beer or a coke (though I may still have the beer)
Went grocery shopping. (hate it when staples like bandaids, ibuprofin and tissues blow your budget)
Now, some laundry, dishes, and yeah, I think I'll have that beer. (good micro brew stuff from out East that we love, a special treat for someone like me who rarely drinks)
*If you count just the compost bags, which cumulatively around 500 pounds. I figure I moved each bag at least four times (Depot to cart, cart to car, car to wheelbarrow (easy slide to the ground) and then the finally dump in place). Which means when you figure in the wood, the extra dirt, etc, I figure that I lifted and moved around close to a ton and a half, maybe two tons this weekend. Holy bananas!!!
**Don't forget your sun screen. No matter how nice it is, if you're outside for longer than like half an hour, wear it. Just think of my fat red arms to remind you.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A Wee Bit of Ripping Off
Bless me father Jillian for I have sinned.
As of today it has been three days since my last run.
In that time I have eatenpiles and piles some sugary treats. I have also imbibed of just one Leinie at the game alcohol and four pieces a little bit of pizza. not to mention all of the damn fine kettle chips.
Apparently my body did needsome major traumatic possibly life changing events a little break, so it wasn't all bad. I finally started losing weight again five freaking weeks after starting the Couch to 5K.
Don't worry, for my penance I have already madethe ultimate a little sacrifice. I did Week 4 of the C25K. In 48 degree weather. And pouring rain.
I ran for 5 minutes (TWICE!) in the pouring rain and lived.
Boo Freaking Yeah!
PS. I am not trying to offend any Catholics, I swear.
As of today it has been three days since my last run.
In that time I have eaten
Apparently my body did need
Don't worry, for my penance I have already made
I ran for 5 minutes (TWICE!) in the pouring rain and lived.
Boo Freaking Yeah!
PS. I am not trying to offend any Catholics, I swear.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
In Nonspecific Terms
If you follow me on Twitter, you likely would like an update to this, so here it is, in more than 140 characters. Well, also in nonspecific ways because I have absolutely no desire to get dooced. (wait, I thought that was technically a word now, why is spell checker not happy with it)
Yesterday there was "an incident" that basically came down to an issue of respect for me. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Part of a long pattern of... issues.
So, I quit. I didn't ask my husband, I told him. I just did it. Then I cried. A lot.
When I finally found a person to resign to (what, there are a lot of meetings) she rightly talked me in to waiting. You know, talking to my husband, and making a well thought out decision. (I adore her, not everyone would do this)
Then you know, I tweeted about it.
So I went home. A couldn't concentrate having been shocked by his wife, so he came home too. We talked it out. There was a lot more crying. There was also a budget spreadsheet. We figured it out. It could be done. It would suck. There would be strict rules. There would be little to no wiggle room. There would be no more expensive haircuts. There would be no vacations, no BlogHer, no movies (maybe a matinee), no new clothes. There would be crappy health insurance (mine rocks, his does not), there would be big changes. There would be a need if we wanted to have any fun, that I work part time. Either freelance or go back to my Barista skills.
However, there would be no worrying about M getting in to a school just because it had before and after care. There would be working out, during the day, like a normal person. (instead of timing it to right before sunset) There would be playdates. (thank you Twitter) There could be sharing childcare occasionally with my SIL, and maybe letting the girls play together more. There would be the possibility that we could afford another kid. (two in daycare, way too expensive) There would be adjustments, but I would get to do the art projects, instead of getting them in a pocket on a wall from school.
There was also the realization that we are not managing our finances well at all. We (well, I) have debts. If we can afford to have me not work, then we should be able to afford to save and pay off debts. Regardless of the outcome of the meeting, something would need to change.
So today, at work, there was talking. There is a plan. There is an understanding that if I want to quit my job, then it needs to be because I want to do it for me and for my family and not because of "an incident". No matter what, "the incident" would be handled. If I wanted to look at options for a flexible schedule, or if I wanted to leave and stay home, we could consider that in the future. I am in a position of control. I have control over my own future. I do not have to work.
It is freeing. It is relaxing. It may help me focus.
So we are instituting the new way of managing the finances. Today, I handed over my credit cards to my husband. In June, when the new budget starts, everything changes. It will be good.
I want to pay off debts. I want to get in a better place on a few things. Then I will reevaluate the work schedule thing. If I still feel like I need to do it, I have submit a proposal for flex time or a reduced schedule. I am in control.
Yesterday there was "an incident" that basically came down to an issue of respect for me. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Part of a long pattern of... issues.
So, I quit. I didn't ask my husband, I told him. I just did it. Then I cried. A lot.
When I finally found a person to resign to (what, there are a lot of meetings) she rightly talked me in to waiting. You know, talking to my husband, and making a well thought out decision. (I adore her, not everyone would do this)
Then you know, I tweeted about it.
So I went home. A couldn't concentrate having been shocked by his wife, so he came home too. We talked it out. There was a lot more crying. There was also a budget spreadsheet. We figured it out. It could be done. It would suck. There would be strict rules. There would be little to no wiggle room. There would be no more expensive haircuts. There would be no vacations, no BlogHer, no movies (maybe a matinee), no new clothes. There would be crappy health insurance (mine rocks, his does not), there would be big changes. There would be a need if we wanted to have any fun, that I work part time. Either freelance or go back to my Barista skills.
However, there would be no worrying about M getting in to a school just because it had before and after care. There would be working out, during the day, like a normal person. (instead of timing it to right before sunset) There would be playdates. (thank you Twitter) There could be sharing childcare occasionally with my SIL, and maybe letting the girls play together more. There would be the possibility that we could afford another kid. (two in daycare, way too expensive) There would be adjustments, but I would get to do the art projects, instead of getting them in a pocket on a wall from school.
There was also the realization that we are not managing our finances well at all. We (well, I) have debts. If we can afford to have me not work, then we should be able to afford to save and pay off debts. Regardless of the outcome of the meeting, something would need to change.
So today, at work, there was talking. There is a plan. There is an understanding that if I want to quit my job, then it needs to be because I want to do it for me and for my family and not because of "an incident". No matter what, "the incident" would be handled. If I wanted to look at options for a flexible schedule, or if I wanted to leave and stay home, we could consider that in the future. I am in a position of control. I have control over my own future. I do not have to work.
It is freeing. It is relaxing. It may help me focus.
So we are instituting the new way of managing the finances. Today, I handed over my credit cards to my husband. In June, when the new budget starts, everything changes. It will be good.
I want to pay off debts. I want to get in a better place on a few things. Then I will reevaluate the work schedule thing. If I still feel like I need to do it, I have submit a proposal for flex time or a reduced schedule. I am in control.
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