I have not hid it, but this winter has been hard for the whole weight loss goals. I was sick endlessly last fall. I have also struggled with figuring out how to fit in exercise without the benefit of the great outdoors.
I knew going in to my appointment with the nutritionist and the endocrinologist today that I had likely gained weight. Not much, but weight is weight. Every time in the past I have not lost as much, there is more talk about weight loss drugs. Not that I don't appreciate the care about my weight, but honestly that number is secondary to the other issues I went in for. (the facial hair of a teenage boy if you're keeping track)
I wasn't looking forward to it. I mitigated it with a little retail therapy before the appointment. I needed some more basics. It would seem that my XXL basic t-shirts are no longer suited for public wearing. They are even pushing it for PJ's. So, I went searching for new shirts. In turn, I got a surprise.
When I was pregnant, and after I gave birth, I was wearing a men's XXL t-shirt. Not a small item of clothing. Today, I bought a men's medium hoodie. (women's hoodies rarely fit my monkey arms and cover my long torso sufficiently for comfort) A MEDIUM!
The XL women's shirts I got seem... large. Granted part of that is the fit, but I went in to my appointment confident that I had had a better winter than I thought.
When I got married almost five years ago, I weighed 10 pounds more than I do right now. In the almost 9 years since I moved back to Minnesota, other than that period where I was too broke to eat enough, I have steadily gained weight. Sure, some diets have worked short term, but I have never managed to make it through the winter without gaining most of it back.
Until this winter. Two pounds is all I've gained since September. Two pounds is nothing. It is a giant bottle of water. It will be gone before I know it.
I have no reason to be discouraged. I made it through winter. I have succeeded. In a month, the sun will set late enough that I can get outside to exercise. By May, I will be planting my garden, and by June, harvesting something. By August, I will be even hotter than I was at the last Blogher while I take NYC by storm (on my birthday no less).
Showing posts with label weighty issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weighty issues. Show all posts
Friday, February 19, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Bye Bye Bewbies
I have never been... endowed. Really. I lived happily in the middle. Not as small as my mom, not as large as my grandmothers. It was, in all reality, a happy place to be. Clothes fit me as long as I wasn't plus sized. Even then, better too big than busting out.
Side note: What in the heck is it with them thinking that if you are fat you magically grew bewbs. I mean, really. Thanks goodness Lane Bryant understands this and makes a 40 B. Or I would have been totally lost.
Pregnancy brought on a whole new world to me. I discovered being and F. I actually had problems finding nursing bras that did more than just serve as a place to put the breast pads. I was relieved when I could finally fit in to a proper bra again. The shrinking, it was a good thing.
Now however, not so much. Not only are the poor girls shrinking (when I lose weight they are the first thing to go) but well, they have... deflated. Nothing that a good padded push up bra can't fix, but I doubt I will ever be able to pull off anything other than "full coverage" ever again.
At some point this weekend I need to go to somewhere that sells bras (I think I have at least one more band size available at Lane Bryant) and get something new. I went shopping for a new sports bra (yay Title Nine is in town!). Looking in a mirror it was very clear to me how bad my current bra fits. The ultimate size of the new one I got confirms it.
Anyone have favorite post I had a baby and I nursed for 18 months bra? VS hasn't had anything that could hold them that I've found, and I prefer good construction to cheap department store.
Side note: What in the heck is it with them thinking that if you are fat you magically grew bewbs. I mean, really. Thanks goodness Lane Bryant understands this and makes a 40 B. Or I would have been totally lost.
Pregnancy brought on a whole new world to me. I discovered being and F. I actually had problems finding nursing bras that did more than just serve as a place to put the breast pads. I was relieved when I could finally fit in to a proper bra again. The shrinking, it was a good thing.
Now however, not so much. Not only are the poor girls shrinking (when I lose weight they are the first thing to go) but well, they have... deflated. Nothing that a good padded push up bra can't fix, but I doubt I will ever be able to pull off anything other than "full coverage" ever again.
At some point this weekend I need to go to somewhere that sells bras (I think I have at least one more band size available at Lane Bryant) and get something new. I went shopping for a new sports bra (yay Title Nine is in town!). Looking in a mirror it was very clear to me how bad my current bra fits. The ultimate size of the new one I got confirms it.
Anyone have favorite post I had a baby and I nursed for 18 months bra? VS hasn't had anything that could hold them that I've found, and I prefer good construction to cheap department store.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Failing and Falling
So, that whole no sugar thing, yeah, I failed. I failed so much I have nearly given up.
I won't though, I will try again. I just think I bit off more than I could chew when we're talking about one of the roughest times of year for me. Not that if I want to accomplish my goals that I won't have to make it through the utter lack of sunlight that is January, it is just that doing much more than maintaining is tough.
So, I've scaled back my goals, at least until it gets nicer outside, and I'm just trying to stay fitting in all of my pants. I'm still working out more than I did the last few months of last year, and I've even started to try to change the schedule for that a bit.
Yesterday I did level 2 of the Shred before M went to bed. She did some stuff with me, and A helped her out some when needed. Tomorrow I try in the morning before she gets up, knowing that if she gets up while I'm working out, she knows what I am doing and thinks it is fun.
I'm buying some kid centered exercise DVD's off of Amazon so that we have things we can do together should my Shredding all the time bore her. I'm also trying to figure out how to include her in my walking when the weather gets warm. I'm thinking maybe a scooter for her birthday.
The only thing I still struggle with is diet. I know stress is driving my compulsion to eat, and that doesn't help. However, the larger issue is that I can't find good, affordable, quick to make food this time of year. Summer was so easy. I had the Farmer's Market, the fresh fruits/veggies and I had my grill to cook everything on. Now I want warm, comforting, and well, hibernation inducing foods.
Any good ideas?
I won't though, I will try again. I just think I bit off more than I could chew when we're talking about one of the roughest times of year for me. Not that if I want to accomplish my goals that I won't have to make it through the utter lack of sunlight that is January, it is just that doing much more than maintaining is tough.
So, I've scaled back my goals, at least until it gets nicer outside, and I'm just trying to stay fitting in all of my pants. I'm still working out more than I did the last few months of last year, and I've even started to try to change the schedule for that a bit.
Yesterday I did level 2 of the Shred before M went to bed. She did some stuff with me, and A helped her out some when needed. Tomorrow I try in the morning before she gets up, knowing that if she gets up while I'm working out, she knows what I am doing and thinks it is fun.
I'm buying some kid centered exercise DVD's off of Amazon so that we have things we can do together should my Shredding all the time bore her. I'm also trying to figure out how to include her in my walking when the weather gets warm. I'm thinking maybe a scooter for her birthday.
The only thing I still struggle with is diet. I know stress is driving my compulsion to eat, and that doesn't help. However, the larger issue is that I can't find good, affordable, quick to make food this time of year. Summer was so easy. I had the Farmer's Market, the fresh fruits/veggies and I had my grill to cook everything on. Now I want warm, comforting, and well, hibernation inducing foods.
Any good ideas?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Idle Hands
My first week (mostly) sugar free seems to have gone pretty well. I ended up eating a piece of good dark chocolate most days, just to get over the hump, and I didn't notice that the pasta sauce I used had sugar in it (Newman's Own of all things) until after I'd already enjoyed a decent serving on my whole grain pasta. I am beginning to feel like the withdrawal is waning.
The things I continue to struggle with are the ones that always give me trouble. One is my never-ending sweet tooth. When I did this before, I fed it with fruit. That is something I'm having and even harder time with. I am guessing it has a lot to do with the season. Dried is OK, but it doesn't take much and you've had too much. Along with that is of course the lack of good fresh produce in general. My big successes last summer had everything to do with the gigantic portions of fresh veggies I used to fill myself up. I think I'm adjusting, it is just taking time.
The other thing that always gets me is snacking when bored. When food is your comfort, it isn't just for stress anymore, it is for everything. That time, after dinner, before M goes to bed, that sucks. The time after she goes to bed, before my 8 PM cut off time for eating (which I have done a remarkably good job of respecting), is even worse. If I workout, I tend to be fine, but if I don't, I should install locks on the single serve bags of popcorn and dried fruit.
I've decided that the only way to resolve it is to keep my hands busy. If I'm focused on something else, then I won't be bored enough to want to nibble my time away. I should be working more on housework, but while a super clean house would be nice, I think it would leave me more miserable if all I did was clean.
Instead, I'm going to go back to doing some knitting. Not just any knitting either, I'm going to take on new challenges, as well as a really large project that is overdue to for my sweet husband. The first I started this weekend. They are a pair of cabled wrist warmers. I took this original pattern, couldn't seem to get it to work, then completely ripped it out a few times and reworked it in to my own pattern. There are still more improvements I'd like to make, so after I finish the pair, I may do it again. I just didn't want to start over another time when there is nothing really wrong with them, I just want to try more complicated cables.
The things I continue to struggle with are the ones that always give me trouble. One is my never-ending sweet tooth. When I did this before, I fed it with fruit. That is something I'm having and even harder time with. I am guessing it has a lot to do with the season. Dried is OK, but it doesn't take much and you've had too much. Along with that is of course the lack of good fresh produce in general. My big successes last summer had everything to do with the gigantic portions of fresh veggies I used to fill myself up. I think I'm adjusting, it is just taking time.
The other thing that always gets me is snacking when bored. When food is your comfort, it isn't just for stress anymore, it is for everything. That time, after dinner, before M goes to bed, that sucks. The time after she goes to bed, before my 8 PM cut off time for eating (which I have done a remarkably good job of respecting), is even worse. If I workout, I tend to be fine, but if I don't, I should install locks on the single serve bags of popcorn and dried fruit.
I've decided that the only way to resolve it is to keep my hands busy. If I'm focused on something else, then I won't be bored enough to want to nibble my time away. I should be working more on housework, but while a super clean house would be nice, I think it would leave me more miserable if all I did was clean.
Instead, I'm going to go back to doing some knitting. Not just any knitting either, I'm going to take on new challenges, as well as a really large project that is overdue to for my sweet husband. The first I started this weekend. They are a pair of cabled wrist warmers. I took this original pattern, couldn't seem to get it to work, then completely ripped it out a few times and reworked it in to my own pattern. There are still more improvements I'd like to make, so after I finish the pair, I may do it again. I just didn't want to start over another time when there is nothing really wrong with them, I just want to try more complicated cables.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Weight of the Matter
For those who are regular readers, you may have noticed that I haven't blogged much recently. Yeah, there is a reason for that.
First, some excuses. Vacation, sick, feeling better, signed up for gym, got an influenza like illness (ILI).
However, for the past couple of weeks I've been going to the gym twice a week, as well as getting out for a walk this last weekend. (absurdly nice weather for late November) I've managed to even jog a little, just like I was before I got sick. My walking pace this last time out was better than I think I ever managed when I was walking in late summer. So, that's good, right?
However, weight still creeping up. Only like five or so pounds, but still, annoying and pants tightening.
Excuses again? Sure. Vacation, Halloween candy, when you're sick nothing tastes good so you eat everything trying to find something that tastes good, and oh yeah my CC # changed because of a fraud thing and I sort of let my food tracking site lapse.
My whole adventure in weight loss started last year when I lost five pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas without really trying. I can't go back on the progress I have made. For one, I gave away all of the clothes that were bigger than what I am wearing right now. Also, I did make a commitment to be a healthier me, for my daughter. A even got in on it and has been going to physical therapy to get his back in order so we can do more active things as a family. Also, I would like some more help with chores around this place.
So, it is nearly Thanksgiving. Here are my resolutions. Start tracking my food. Work out at least three times a week, trying to get back up to four or five after I finish holiday present making. Umm, if I don't blog about how great it is going, someone call me on it, OK?
First, some excuses. Vacation, sick, feeling better, signed up for gym, got an influenza like illness (ILI).
However, for the past couple of weeks I've been going to the gym twice a week, as well as getting out for a walk this last weekend. (absurdly nice weather for late November) I've managed to even jog a little, just like I was before I got sick. My walking pace this last time out was better than I think I ever managed when I was walking in late summer. So, that's good, right?
However, weight still creeping up. Only like five or so pounds, but still, annoying and pants tightening.
Excuses again? Sure. Vacation, Halloween candy, when you're sick nothing tastes good so you eat everything trying to find something that tastes good, and oh yeah my CC # changed because of a fraud thing and I sort of let my food tracking site lapse.
My whole adventure in weight loss started last year when I lost five pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas without really trying. I can't go back on the progress I have made. For one, I gave away all of the clothes that were bigger than what I am wearing right now. Also, I did make a commitment to be a healthier me, for my daughter. A even got in on it and has been going to physical therapy to get his back in order so we can do more active things as a family. Also, I would like some more help with chores around this place.
So, it is nearly Thanksgiving. Here are my resolutions. Start tracking my food. Work out at least three times a week, trying to get back up to four or five after I finish holiday present making. Umm, if I don't blog about how great it is going, someone call me on it, OK?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Diet & Exercise
Lately I've been getting a lot more notice for the weight I've lost. It may be that the last 10 pounds came off rather quickly, or how I finally got some clothes that actually fit me. Inevitably the question that comes up is "How?". The answer I usually give doesn't tell the whole story. There is so much more than eating right and exercising more.
Timing is everything. My kid was finally sleeping through the night, I weaned (at 18 months!) and I lost weight between Thanksgiving and Christmas without even trying.
Sometimes you need a push. Finding out that I had a major risk of eventually being a Type 2 Diabetic gave me all the push I needed. I am still at risk, but it is lessening every day.
You deserve to make an investment in yourself. Having good shoes, clothes that fit and are comfortable to exercise in, and even taking the time are so important. Sure, the running shoes were expensive, but so is a lifetime of going to the Dr. for diseases you can prevent. Not to mention injuries from not having the right gear.
It will take time. It will take time both to see results and it will take time away from a busy day. This is about an investment too. I wouldn't be doing this without the support of my husband. The dishes can wait, the laundry will get done eventually, but it is important for me to exercise.
Eat your damn veggies. In case you were wondering, it is not 5 fruits and veggie servings total, it is more like 5 of each. The thing is, if you eat more vegetables, there is less room for the other crud. I grew up a vegetarian and it took a food diary website for me to realize this. Oh, and fruits matter too. Sure, they are expensive, but still cheaper than medication and Dr. bills. (especially with our current health care system)
Buy some new clothes. I've shopped my closet, but my body shape has changed drastically. I still look like I had sextuplets, the skin is going to take time. Buying clothes that fit my body now not only gets me compliments (which I love) but also helps me see my own progress. Shop sales, outlet malls, consignment, or do clothing swaps with friends/coworkers. My new favorite pair of jeans came from a woman I work with who is a size ahead of me in loss. My size 18's are going to another coworker who is on the same path.
Never give up. I've slowed down, I've gained back a pound or two, but I never let it stop me. There have been bad months, there have been bad days, and I'm still doing this. I've taken strength from the community I am a part of. If I can do this, anyone can.
Timing is everything. My kid was finally sleeping through the night, I weaned (at 18 months!) and I lost weight between Thanksgiving and Christmas without even trying.
Sometimes you need a push. Finding out that I had a major risk of eventually being a Type 2 Diabetic gave me all the push I needed. I am still at risk, but it is lessening every day.
You deserve to make an investment in yourself. Having good shoes, clothes that fit and are comfortable to exercise in, and even taking the time are so important. Sure, the running shoes were expensive, but so is a lifetime of going to the Dr. for diseases you can prevent. Not to mention injuries from not having the right gear.
It will take time. It will take time both to see results and it will take time away from a busy day. This is about an investment too. I wouldn't be doing this without the support of my husband. The dishes can wait, the laundry will get done eventually, but it is important for me to exercise.
Eat your damn veggies. In case you were wondering, it is not 5 fruits and veggie servings total, it is more like 5 of each. The thing is, if you eat more vegetables, there is less room for the other crud. I grew up a vegetarian and it took a food diary website for me to realize this. Oh, and fruits matter too. Sure, they are expensive, but still cheaper than medication and Dr. bills. (especially with our current health care system)
Buy some new clothes. I've shopped my closet, but my body shape has changed drastically. I still look like I had sextuplets, the skin is going to take time. Buying clothes that fit my body now not only gets me compliments (which I love) but also helps me see my own progress. Shop sales, outlet malls, consignment, or do clothing swaps with friends/coworkers. My new favorite pair of jeans came from a woman I work with who is a size ahead of me in loss. My size 18's are going to another coworker who is on the same path.
Never give up. I've slowed down, I've gained back a pound or two, but I never let it stop me. There have been bad months, there have been bad days, and I'm still doing this. I've taken strength from the community I am a part of. If I can do this, anyone can.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Confessions of a fat girl.
I am sitting in my office, having had a rough day caused by a visit to the Dr. Well, and a toddler. When does TWO not have an effect on my day.
I have in my office a prescription for a weight loss pill. Not the nice newer one that has less side effects, because that one costs a whopping 138/month and I just don't have that kind of change laying around. This is a prescription for Phentermine. Well, not a prescription, I actually shelled out the 30 bucks for the pills themselves.
I'm still not sure if I want to take it. I can't find any information on it written by women I would seem to care anything about. I'm terrified of screwing with my already screwed up brain just to move this whole weight loss thing more forward. I'm writing about it here because someone needs to.
I am tempted. I am tempted because I am slow in losing weight (though every month since last October I have lost at least something). I am tempted because I snack out of control some days. Sure, meals may be healthy, but this window between 2 and 4 it all goes to hell. I am tempted because I live in a house with a person who is not the best influence on my eating. Not that I blame him, he just doesn't make it easy some days.
I also have in my house a bottle of antidepressants. I really should have kept track of which ones made me fidget to bad I wore a hole in my sheets with my feet (scratchy heels?). I'm pretty sure it is not that one.
I'm scared as hell about not being able to do this without the serious intervention. Have I mentioned that?
Today the nutritionist confirmed what I already knew. I know how to eat right. I just lose it on the execution. She did give me some good info that will help sorting out the labels and brands to find the best choice. She also gave me a new online tool that should replace the WW site and spits out all kinds of awesome graphs and charts and makes my geek side silly happy.
For now though, I think the pills stay in that drawer, high up in the book shelf. They say it can form habits and with a family history like mine, for now, I don't feel like risking it.
I did the 30 Day Shred tonight. My arms shook so bad I had a hard time drinking a glass of water when I was done. Today I added up my calories on the new site (will share if I end up really loving it) and I came in right where I should. I can do this. I can make this work. Just me and the bottle of antidepressants.
I have in my office a prescription for a weight loss pill. Not the nice newer one that has less side effects, because that one costs a whopping 138/month and I just don't have that kind of change laying around. This is a prescription for Phentermine. Well, not a prescription, I actually shelled out the 30 bucks for the pills themselves.
I'm still not sure if I want to take it. I can't find any information on it written by women I would seem to care anything about. I'm terrified of screwing with my already screwed up brain just to move this whole weight loss thing more forward. I'm writing about it here because someone needs to.
I am tempted. I am tempted because I am slow in losing weight (though every month since last October I have lost at least something). I am tempted because I snack out of control some days. Sure, meals may be healthy, but this window between 2 and 4 it all goes to hell. I am tempted because I live in a house with a person who is not the best influence on my eating. Not that I blame him, he just doesn't make it easy some days.
I also have in my house a bottle of antidepressants. I really should have kept track of which ones made me fidget to bad I wore a hole in my sheets with my feet (scratchy heels?). I'm pretty sure it is not that one.
I'm scared as hell about not being able to do this without the serious intervention. Have I mentioned that?
Today the nutritionist confirmed what I already knew. I know how to eat right. I just lose it on the execution. She did give me some good info that will help sorting out the labels and brands to find the best choice. She also gave me a new online tool that should replace the WW site and spits out all kinds of awesome graphs and charts and makes my geek side silly happy.
For now though, I think the pills stay in that drawer, high up in the book shelf. They say it can form habits and with a family history like mine, for now, I don't feel like risking it.
I did the 30 Day Shred tonight. My arms shook so bad I had a hard time drinking a glass of water when I was done. Today I added up my calories on the new site (will share if I end up really loving it) and I came in right where I should. I can do this. I can make this work. Just me and the bottle of antidepressants.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Dr. Fatty and Getting Back on the Shred
Tomorrow I go back to my new Endocrinologist (we shall call him Dr. Fatty since he specializes in treating the obese, which I am). It is not an appointment I am looking forward to. It also includes a meeting with a nutritionist. A meeting I need to bring my "doesn't love my healthy cooking" husband to.
Dr. Fatty and I exchanged emails shortly before BlogHer because my wonderful insurance denied two of the prescriptions he gave me. The first being for something to block the type of hormone that causes me to look like Teen Wolf. Apparently since it is an off label application of a prostate shrinker they think as a woman I just don't need it. It sort of makes me want to mail photos of me un-medicated after having not waxed for three months to them until they give it to me. I did ask him about laser removal to resolve the issue so he dropped the bomb on me that it would just keep coming back. Awesome. I'll be joining the sideshow as the bearded lady as soon as I hit menopause for sure now.
The second comes with a lot more emotional baggage. It was a prescription for a weight loss drug. While I have been (very slowly) successful in my weight loss since I weaned M back in October (18 months I nursed her, it is World Breastfeeding Week, supporting a nursing mom), it really wouldn't hurt me at all to kick it up and get to a healthy weight a little bit faster.
We didn't talk a lot about my diet but he knows that I know how to eat the right stuff, and I'm sure he knows what I didn't say. I don't always get it right. I can eat a sensible breakfast, a decent lunch, plan for a great dinner, and it all falls apart somewhere right after lunch to around 3 PM. No lunch ever seems big enough to hold off the snackies. Then there is the stress eating. I don't even want to think about what I was eating right before BlogHer what with the sick kid and impending social disaster. All of it relates to my emotional health on some level. So when they denied my prescription for the latest and greatest weight loss drug, I had a nice sigh of relief. Then I asked for an anti-depressant instead.
Which he sort of hedged around.
I'm not looking forward to having to say to someone with years and years of schooling that I'm not too keen about taking a stimulant that has been known to have less than great side effects (the not as new drug that my insurance will cover or I can pay for myself). Instead I'd like to balance my brain chemistry and see if that makes working out more effective (instead of making me so tired I want to cry all day) and helps me eat less.
Think happy courage thoughts for me tomorrow maybe?
I will at least be able to go in to the appointment knowing that I will be back on the Shredded saddle again this month. I enjoyed my time off. The biking was fun, but they did tear apart my whole trail right when I thought I was nearly over my near accident. So I need to get back in to something a little more intense than my gossiping walks with Kristen. Just to keep me in line, I've got a partner for the month.
Oh, and if you're ever wondering what kind of motivation could make me want to subject myself to Jillian Michaels again, seeing how hot Kristen Chase and the rest of the Shredheads looked at BlogHer should keep me going down to a size 12 at least.
Dr. Fatty and I exchanged emails shortly before BlogHer because my wonderful insurance denied two of the prescriptions he gave me. The first being for something to block the type of hormone that causes me to look like Teen Wolf. Apparently since it is an off label application of a prostate shrinker they think as a woman I just don't need it. It sort of makes me want to mail photos of me un-medicated after having not waxed for three months to them until they give it to me. I did ask him about laser removal to resolve the issue so he dropped the bomb on me that it would just keep coming back. Awesome. I'll be joining the sideshow as the bearded lady as soon as I hit menopause for sure now.
The second comes with a lot more emotional baggage. It was a prescription for a weight loss drug. While I have been (very slowly) successful in my weight loss since I weaned M back in October (18 months I nursed her, it is World Breastfeeding Week, supporting a nursing mom), it really wouldn't hurt me at all to kick it up and get to a healthy weight a little bit faster.
We didn't talk a lot about my diet but he knows that I know how to eat the right stuff, and I'm sure he knows what I didn't say. I don't always get it right. I can eat a sensible breakfast, a decent lunch, plan for a great dinner, and it all falls apart somewhere right after lunch to around 3 PM. No lunch ever seems big enough to hold off the snackies. Then there is the stress eating. I don't even want to think about what I was eating right before BlogHer what with the sick kid and impending social disaster. All of it relates to my emotional health on some level. So when they denied my prescription for the latest and greatest weight loss drug, I had a nice sigh of relief. Then I asked for an anti-depressant instead.
Which he sort of hedged around.
I'm not looking forward to having to say to someone with years and years of schooling that I'm not too keen about taking a stimulant that has been known to have less than great side effects (the not as new drug that my insurance will cover or I can pay for myself). Instead I'd like to balance my brain chemistry and see if that makes working out more effective (instead of making me so tired I want to cry all day) and helps me eat less.
Think happy courage thoughts for me tomorrow maybe?
I will at least be able to go in to the appointment knowing that I will be back on the Shredded saddle again this month. I enjoyed my time off. The biking was fun, but they did tear apart my whole trail right when I thought I was nearly over my near accident. So I need to get back in to something a little more intense than my gossiping walks with Kristen. Just to keep me in line, I've got a partner for the month.
Oh, and if you're ever wondering what kind of motivation could make me want to subject myself to Jillian Michaels again, seeing how hot Kristen Chase and the rest of the Shredheads looked at BlogHer should keep me going down to a size 12 at least.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm a bad Hot By BlogHer....
So I went and sort of nagged Christina (my BlogHer roomie) about Hot By BlogHer, and then haven't really done any of the challenges or kept up. I've just been a little overwhelmed. Especially when my weight loss didn't happen quite the way I planned initially.
As of today, I've lost 10 pounds from when I started in March with the Shredheads. It isn't much in weight, but I've made up with it in overall change in my body. More muscle, better clothes fitting. I feel so much better than when I started. I'm continuing my regular exercise, and I'm also keeping up (most days) with eating better. I will go to BlogHer more confident than I was, and really, that is what being HOT is all about.
I still have a long way to go. My weight is still obese, my skin is still going to take time to recover from all of these changes. However, I don't feel like I'll be back sliding at all. I'm confident enough that when I cleaned up the laundry area, I put all the larger sizes in bags to pass on to other friends. There is something about this time that feels different. This weight isn't coming off quickly, it isn't a fad diet, it just small changes that I know I can maintain. I'm hoping when I see my new endocrinologist tomorrow that they agree that I'm taking that right steps. I hope that they can help me find the right tools so I never deal with Type 2 Diabetes.
I feel like I've written this post before, and maybe I have, but I need to remind myself that this is working, that this feels good, but there are still days when I doubt myself.
Of course, I can also look at this great dress I found for BlogHer. Ignore the flash in the window, this was the best shot of the dress. It will look even better with the Spanx I got. I decided not to try them on for the try on photo, they terrify the dog. How did I not believe that they were worth the price before, they totally work, but that is another post.
As of today, I've lost 10 pounds from when I started in March with the Shredheads. It isn't much in weight, but I've made up with it in overall change in my body. More muscle, better clothes fitting. I feel so much better than when I started. I'm continuing my regular exercise, and I'm also keeping up (most days) with eating better. I will go to BlogHer more confident than I was, and really, that is what being HOT is all about.
I still have a long way to go. My weight is still obese, my skin is still going to take time to recover from all of these changes. However, I don't feel like I'll be back sliding at all. I'm confident enough that when I cleaned up the laundry area, I put all the larger sizes in bags to pass on to other friends. There is something about this time that feels different. This weight isn't coming off quickly, it isn't a fad diet, it just small changes that I know I can maintain. I'm hoping when I see my new endocrinologist tomorrow that they agree that I'm taking that right steps. I hope that they can help me find the right tools so I never deal with Type 2 Diabetes.
I feel like I've written this post before, and maybe I have, but I need to remind myself that this is working, that this feels good, but there are still days when I doubt myself.
Of course, I can also look at this great dress I found for BlogHer. Ignore the flash in the window, this was the best shot of the dress. It will look even better with the Spanx I got. I decided not to try them on for the try on photo, they terrify the dog. How did I not believe that they were worth the price before, they totally work, but that is another post.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I am not full of ...
Tonight I was going to skip exercise. I skipped last night because we were out with A's brother's family celebrating M's birthday. (I had dessert, it was a beautiful thing) I'm also maybe possibly coming down with a cold, so I figured I'd earned some rest.
Then this little voice in my head was like,
Seriously? You're seriously going to make that excuse? You can do a silly little walk. It isn't raining. It is pretty nice, and you're going to make some lame ass excuse about being a little sick. Do you not remember that you found even MORE clothes in the closet that fit you now? You're not that far away from the entire size 16 collection of really cool clothes. Get up off of your ass and go for a fucking walk.
So I did, and then just to prove to the little voice in my head that I am not full of it, and I am becoming a changed woman, I decided to start my version of the Couch to 5K and run part of my walk. Two mile walk, I did 30 second (or so, I've timed it before and it is around 2 blocks so that is what I did) jogs 5 times.
I may not be losing much weight, but this change that has happened with me exercise wise is weird. I have no idea where it comes from most days. Maybe I should have listened to the voices earlier. Granted, I think they used to say, "Eat the cookie, it's only one cookie." repeatedly.
Then this little voice in my head was like,
Seriously? You're seriously going to make that excuse? You can do a silly little walk. It isn't raining. It is pretty nice, and you're going to make some lame ass excuse about being a little sick. Do you not remember that you found even MORE clothes in the closet that fit you now? You're not that far away from the entire size 16 collection of really cool clothes. Get up off of your ass and go for a fucking walk.
So I did, and then just to prove to the little voice in my head that I am not full of it, and I am becoming a changed woman, I decided to start my version of the Couch to 5K and run part of my walk. Two mile walk, I did 30 second (or so, I've timed it before and it is around 2 blocks so that is what I did) jogs 5 times.
I may not be losing much weight, but this change that has happened with me exercise wise is weird. I have no idea where it comes from most days. Maybe I should have listened to the voices earlier. Granted, I think they used to say, "Eat the cookie, it's only one cookie." repeatedly.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I want a damn cookie
Stress is getting to me, not getting to have treats is getting to me, and I'm feeling a little bit like a failure. I know it will pass, but for now, I'm hating it.
Last night I went clothes shopping and couldn't find any pants that really fit well enough for the whole new work wear requirements. I ended up trying on half the store and leaving with one pair of pants and some clearance shirts. I cannot wait until warmer weather when I can get out the capri's (which likely won't fit and I'll need to get more).
I was all ready to work out tonight and then managed to eat something bad for lunch (note to self: clean out fridge more often so that you don't grab too old leftovers), and I was in no shape to work out.
I've got horrible spring fever. All I want to do is be outside walking or getting started on running. M's feeling it bad too. She begs to go for walks with the dog, and while I'll go down the block and back with them even when it is a bit chilly, the weather has not been right for much more than that. I've got a bunch of time off starting next week, and I'm hoping the weather holds out for that and for M's birthday on Easter.
So, spring fever it is, and I think I can hold off on the cookie for a little bit longer. Maybe.
Last night I went clothes shopping and couldn't find any pants that really fit well enough for the whole new work wear requirements. I ended up trying on half the store and leaving with one pair of pants and some clearance shirts. I cannot wait until warmer weather when I can get out the capri's (which likely won't fit and I'll need to get more).
I was all ready to work out tonight and then managed to eat something bad for lunch (note to self: clean out fridge more often so that you don't grab too old leftovers), and I was in no shape to work out.
I've got horrible spring fever. All I want to do is be outside walking or getting started on running. M's feeling it bad too. She begs to go for walks with the dog, and while I'll go down the block and back with them even when it is a bit chilly, the weather has not been right for much more than that. I've got a bunch of time off starting next week, and I'm hoping the weather holds out for that and for M's birthday on Easter.
So, spring fever it is, and I think I can hold off on the cookie for a little bit longer. Maybe.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Running out of steam.
Maybe it is the congestion (daycare cold number 435 for the year), but I'm running out of steam for the shred. My knees are killing me when I do any bouncing around (I've been doing punches with weights instead), and I have horrible spring fever. I also worked a bunch this last weekend. Work that included a lot of moving around and being active. My back is a little messed up because of that.
All of this leads to some spectacular rationalization. It doesn't help that Comcast puked last night and I couldn't get the shred. I was all dressed and ready to do it. (I ordered it off Amazon instead)
Tonight I didn't think I could handle it, but instead of just giving up and sitting on my ass, I went out for a very brisk walk. The dog was in heaven (she better have lost some weight by the time her checkup comes around). I also thought I'd see just how bad things were if I ran for 60 seconds. That is the starting time for the Couch to 5K program. I don't think it is a good sign that I spent the remaining 20 minutes of my walk trying to catch my breath.
I think tomorrow I'll make a call to A's asthma Dr. At a minimum I need to look into allergy meds (OTC varieties make me hallucinate). Maybe to test my theory I'll bring the albuterol inhaler with and do my experiment of 60 seconds again. You know, after the snow melts.
Even if I don't have asthma, perhaps Kristen won't mind if we start our program with just some walking. Or maybe 60 seconds running, five minutes walking.
Speaking of walking/running, I think that will be my focus for April. The shred has been very good to me, but I haven't really lost much weight. I'll admit I haven't eaten terribly well, what with major work projects keeping both A and I at work late. However, my body shape has changed quite a bit. Clothes are fitting better, and my measurements (damn I wish I had actually kept track of them since the beginning) have resulted in a change of "Right Fit" jeans from Lane Bryant. My ass has shrunk, my waist has not. (stupid belly fat) Walking/Running and more cardio focus will help more with the kind of weight loss I'm looking for. I can go back to shredding if I lose more weight and really need to tone.
So, onward I go. I'm a little off track for my goal of another 40 pounds by July, but the nearly 20 I've lost this first three months of the year is nothing to sneeze at either.
All of this leads to some spectacular rationalization. It doesn't help that Comcast puked last night and I couldn't get the shred. I was all dressed and ready to do it. (I ordered it off Amazon instead)
Tonight I didn't think I could handle it, but instead of just giving up and sitting on my ass, I went out for a very brisk walk. The dog was in heaven (she better have lost some weight by the time her checkup comes around). I also thought I'd see just how bad things were if I ran for 60 seconds. That is the starting time for the Couch to 5K program. I don't think it is a good sign that I spent the remaining 20 minutes of my walk trying to catch my breath.
I think tomorrow I'll make a call to A's asthma Dr. At a minimum I need to look into allergy meds (OTC varieties make me hallucinate). Maybe to test my theory I'll bring the albuterol inhaler with and do my experiment of 60 seconds again. You know, after the snow melts.
Even if I don't have asthma, perhaps Kristen won't mind if we start our program with just some walking. Or maybe 60 seconds running, five minutes walking.
Speaking of walking/running, I think that will be my focus for April. The shred has been very good to me, but I haven't really lost much weight. I'll admit I haven't eaten terribly well, what with major work projects keeping both A and I at work late. However, my body shape has changed quite a bit. Clothes are fitting better, and my measurements (damn I wish I had actually kept track of them since the beginning) have resulted in a change of "Right Fit" jeans from Lane Bryant. My ass has shrunk, my waist has not. (stupid belly fat) Walking/Running and more cardio focus will help more with the kind of weight loss I'm looking for. I can go back to shredding if I lose more weight and really need to tone.
So, onward I go. I'm a little off track for my goal of another 40 pounds by July, but the nearly 20 I've lost this first three months of the year is nothing to sneeze at either.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Lie to me and tell me... (Shredding update)
... that it looks like I've made progress. I feel like the photos don't show anything (or them being taken from farther away is fooling), after all it is only two pounds. Less than one percent of my body weight. That isn't that much really. I feel stronger, I feel better. I feel like I should have bought those pants a size smaller after all. Things that I've been wearing all long, like my PJ's, feel big, baggy. But I don't know. I'm at that point where in my life before, I would have quit now. I still did it tonight, even after seeing the pictures, so that must say something.
1.2 Weeks post start of 30 Day Shred
Starting Point
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Holy back fat baby, what was I thinking.
When I said I would post pictures, I obviously did not think about the fact that there really are no mirrors in our house, and apparently the ones at work are seriously thinning. Oh, or maybe clothing is good for me.
However, I said I would do it. Maybe I can inspire someone else to do this. Because it isn't pretty, at all. Sorry for the guys I know outside of blog who have to look at this. Avert your eyes.
Lest you think I'm kidding about the damn bathroom at work, this was last week I think.
The only thing that is encouraging to me at all is that I've already lost 15 pounds, and a friend who hasn't seen me in like 6 months said I look great. Basically, they could have been worse pictures.
Oh, and yes, bra is at least a size too small. Finding serious sports bras as a big girl ain't easy. Mail order only for them to be the wrong size sucks. This was purchased as I was getting pregnant (only slightly kidding) at the Title 9 store in Boulder two and a half years ago. General fitness clothes for plus sizes has gotten much better recently, underwear still has a way to go. Pretty sure that this was the biggest I could get. At least compression is good for the jumping jacks.
However, I said I would do it. Maybe I can inspire someone else to do this. Because it isn't pretty, at all. Sorry for the guys I know outside of blog who have to look at this. Avert your eyes.
Lest you think I'm kidding about the damn bathroom at work, this was last week I think.
The only thing that is encouraging to me at all is that I've already lost 15 pounds, and a friend who hasn't seen me in like 6 months said I look great. Basically, they could have been worse pictures.
Oh, and yes, bra is at least a size too small. Finding serious sports bras as a big girl ain't easy. Mail order only for them to be the wrong size sucks. This was purchased as I was getting pregnant (only slightly kidding) at the Title 9 store in Boulder two and a half years ago. General fitness clothes for plus sizes has gotten much better recently, underwear still has a way to go. Pretty sure that this was the biggest I could get. At least compression is good for the jumping jacks.
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