Pre-Schooled

We got the official word this week that M will be moving up to preschool in a week and a half.


Preschool. As in not a toddler any more. As in, all the heck grown up. Like next big step is Pre-K1 in a whole YEAR. Next year we'll have to start thinking about what school we want her to go to. if we want to do the neighborhood school or something in our "zone".

OMFG.

I am the mother of a preschooler.

We're planning big things for this whole preschool thing. We've been setting it up for months now. Preschoolers listen to their teachers. Preschoolers sit nicely when they eat. Then there is the big one, preschoolers give their Nuk's to babies. Preschoolers don't need Nuk's.

I was looking for the perfect transition away from it, and preschool seemed like the logical choice. She only uses them at home, she hasn't at daycare in some time. We're done with vacation, a situation where she could possibly need a little something extra to sleep. I am hoping everyone gets over the cold by then, since I suspect there will be a few nights of little sleep. I am hoping it goes well. Just to be sure we stick to it, we are actually "giving" the Nuk's to a friend's new baby. Not that he'll use them, but it makes it look good to M.

Ack! Preschooler! How did this happen?

And done with the drama.

So, sick of reading about my daycare drama yet? Sorry to just spew it out, but doing that really helped me deal with how I felt about the whole thing.

Here is my final thought. Our local newspaper (Strib) is in Chapter 11. Like a lot of newspapers, they are struggling with finding their place in this new world of social networking, blogs, and "new media". There are some parts I think they are getting right. I adore their parenting blog, Cribsheet. I'm a regular commenter there.

However, sometimes it feels like they just post articles to make a stink. As much as I thought I would have enjoyed comments on news articles if you had asked me years ago, now I hate them. Newspapers seem to bring out the worst kind of trolls and chicken shit assholes. You know that they wouldn't be saying that kind of stuff to your face. (this is home of Minnesota Nice after all)

I feel like the article was posted without proper research, without regard for what that proper research would have done to it, just to shock and create traffic through nasty comments. If you really think there is an issues with day cares, or with how employees are treated, then find the real story. At M's old daycare (thanks A for reminding me of this) the preschool teacher regularly dragged kids around by their arms, berated them and insulted them. Talk about educators who are so burned out that they're verbally abusing the kids in their classes. Talk about how hard it is to get quality childcare, no matter what the cost. Talk about things that really make a difference, not a specific and very personal attack on an organization that from my point of view is really quality.

Let the drama continue

Last weekend, an article in a local paper was published about a daycare teacher who said her firing from a daycare center was a retaliation firing. She reported the daycare for a staffing violation. When the violation resulted in a citation, she was fired the next week. That was M's daycare, that was her teacher. Here is more of our story about it.

Back in December, the lead teacher in M's class quit on short notice. We worried a little, but nothing seemed too terribly off. (I've since learned that because of a very long commute, and a car accident she was in, she took a job closer to home and needed to take it right away) M was slated to move up rooms in March, to older toddlers. In late January, the asked if we would be OK with her moving up early. She was very ready, and the kids in line before her were not ready yet. She had gone from a little behind for her age group, to very ahead. Extremely verbal, and starting to get bored in the young toddler room.

The move to the new room seemed OK, but M did get bit/scratched/pinched more. The issues were thought to be just the transition. She was also back in a class with some of the more aggressive kids. In the new room, the lead teacher didn't seem to communicate as well. She seemed distracted. We now know that was in the middle of the drama. I noticed a change before the alleged incident however, back in December. While she wasn't in M's room, she was one of the teachers we dropped off with, and she had started talking to me less.

There was also the issue of M's diet and medication. M was fed things she shouldn't be, but we weren't told, we had to read it on the cards. They claimed to have known it was wrong right after they did it, but they didn't do a good job of communicating to us. I wasn't liking it very much, but I was giving it time to work itself out. Transitions can be hard on everyone. Then they forgot to give M her nebulizer the first day we brought it in. Despite being given detailed instructions by me, both verbally and in writing through the director. We were starting to be concerned.

When she was fired, we asked questions, and were given as many answers as they could. I asked if it was because of the medication incident. She said it was not that specific incident, but that was an issue that contributed. It was a good diplomatic answer, what I expected from professional people. New staff was hired, but there has been transition time.

Since the teacher left, the other teachers in M's room talk to us more. The attitude has gotten brighter and more fun. It really felt like progress was being made, and it was all for the better.

Things finally felt like they were settling. Then the article happened. The article created a huge uproar in the comments. Fighting between people who claimed to be current and former employees, accusations about the director. The usual crazy blog type comments as well, blame the mothers for working, etc. There were also attacks on us as the parents, for not realizing. It was very emotional. It conflicted significantly with what we had experienced at the center. Other than the teacher from December (which I since cleared up), we never had any reason to believe anything was up.

It has been hard on everyone. People have gotten very serious threats. The teacher who was fired seems to be out to take down the center, and the kids and parents with it. The kids she claimed to care about so much are the ones who are suffering. I can't imagine what she thought she was going to accomplish by doing this. I really can't. Her getting unemployment while a small win for her, I do not think was justified. I do not see how you can be a lead teacher for that long and claim to not know about your responsibility for ratios. She should have come to us if there was an issue as well. We, the parents, can talk with our checkbooks. Many parents with children at the center have had three or more kids go through. The retention rate for staff is very high. These are not things that you see at a center that has the kind of issues that they were accused of. It hurt, all of it.

More tomorrow on my thoughts about old media trying to do new media.

Drama, with a capital D.

I think enough dust has settled that I can write about what happened over the weekend. However, it requires some background. I'm going to split this up to help keep it from being too long. Also know that I'm going to let some details out that are a bit personal, I just ask you be respectful of the level of privacy I try to maintain here. If you have questions about specifics, email me. (ameliasprout (at) gmail (dot) com) So, for today, the background.

We had a horrible time finding a good daycare. Living in North Minneapolis gave us fewer options than in the suburbs. The neighborhood is older, there are less home daycares, and the ones that are there of any quality, are full.

I called around 20 daycares near our house, of that, only three called me back. Two had openings, but neither were familiar with breast milk, or some common safety issues. We ended up settling on a center in our neighborhood. We were lucky to be able to afford center daycare. M was there for 10 minutes. The tour had been nice, we liked the infant teacher. It came recommended by a person I rode the bus with. The day we showed up we found out the infant teacher wasn't in until 9 (I was there at 7). The person who was there said she didn't change diapers, wasn't familiar with breast milk, and then sat M in a bouncy seat, on a table, right where I could see the no table warning. I left, called A, then went back and got her. I brought her in to my office for my first day back at work. My mom was going to be in town that week, so A and I stayed home the next day (split the day) and the rest of the week my mom took care of her.

We found another center a little farther away from home. We liked it enough, and they had an opening. It was a corporate center, there were lots of rules, some hassles about breast milk (it required giant red HAZARDOUS labels), but we never felt like M was in any danger. However, as M got older, we realized that while her basic needs were met, she wasn't getting anything extra out of it. She started falling behind her peers. For the price we were paying, we wanted more than basic needs. Happy babies like M didn't get a lot of attention, because they were happy. There were other things too, we weren't comfortable with the preschool teacher, and had never seen the toddler teacher.

I had heard great things about this daycare downtown. It would allow me to bus downtown with M, giving me more time with her, and their program had rave reviews from other moms. They always had a waiting list, and their prices were reasonable. When we decided to leave our old center after some incidents with M's dietary needs, I got on the waiting list at the center. Right when I was about to pull her for anywhere I could find, they called. They had an opening in July, but M would need to be walking. She was 14 months old when I got the call, she would be 15 months old for the opening. I did something I swore I would never do, I pushed her to walk. We got squeaky shoes, we cheered her on ever chance we got. She'd already been cruising for months, so it wasn't a huge stretch. Right before the schedule start date, she started walking. I pushed out the start two weeks to make sure we were good.

We loved the center. M made huge strides. The new center combined with the tubes helped her start talking up a storm. She seemed more confident too. Her teachers communicated really well. We really honestly loved it. I spent time talking to the teachers in the morning, and never felt anything off at all.

Updates etc, etc, etc...

I emailed M's old teacher and got a polite little response back. End of story, nothing more to do. Still curious and a little bummed, but that is the way it goes.

-------------------------------------------------

Transition to Older Toddlers is going incredibly well. The combination of the new larger room with new challenges, as well as the warmer weather allowing her to go outside means that she has actually been in a much better mood in the evenings. I think next week (even with more cold) will be even better. She is talking every night all the time. I understand next to nothing she says and usually just agree. Not sure, but I may have agreed to a tattoo when she turns two...

-------------------------------------------------

Next week I have an appointment to see my endocrinologist. I had my blood work done this week (hopefully the tests will be back in time). I'm both scared and excited about this. Part of me really wants it to be PCOS since it would explain so much. But on the other hand, knowing the other health problems that could mean, it would suck equally as much. I do think that possibility of looking less like a pre-op transsexual wins in the end.

-------------------------------------------------

So far the healthier eating/lose weight thing seems to be making slow but steady progress. I just need to add in the exercise component. To help with that, I'm thinking about doing the March of Dimes walk this April. Having had pre-eclampsia I know how important the work they do is, and I think it would be a good tradition to start with M. I can do the Minneapolis walk which is 8 miles, or the St. Paul one which is 3.6 (I think). I'm afraid of the training and weather impact of the Minneapolis one (8 miles of cold would suck), and afraid to look like Flotsam's stalker if I do the St. Paul one.

Moving on up!

This last Wednesday in the middle of my big project at work, I got a call from M's daycare. The number popped up on the caller ID and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. There was no way that I could leave work to deal with her, my husband would have to be called. She was supposed to be napping, so it wouldn't be good.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The center director called me about if we were OK with M moving up to older toddlers a month early. She was already penciled in for March, a month before she turns two. However the boys that were set to go before here aren't quite ready yet and she has been really growing lately. She is talking and communicating so well. She understands so much and surprises me all the time with the things that she says. More than anything, she stands out from her classmates. Her teacher thinks that her pushing her boundaries is more about her being bored and needing more of a challenge.

I'm so very excited, but I have a little concern. With the new room comes being around the terror twins again. We've been running late since it is cold, and showing up around the same as them. While I could never know for sure, I think they are the ones that bit M. The ones who's parents ignored their kids hitting other kids right in front of them. The girl just this morning tried to grab M's brush out of her hand right in front of me. (we were putting in her pigtails) When that didn't work, she went after another kid's breakfast. I just hope M is old enough and verbal enough now to say no. I don't want her hitting back or anything, but I also want her to stand up for herself.

We shall see, one way or another, I'm saving 20 bucks a week. (which is about what she's been adding to the grocery bill with her recent growth spurt)

A daycare quandry

Yesterday M missed daycare because of the "eye", and we missed out on seeing one of her teachers for the last time. It would seem that the lead teacher in her room quit last Friday with no notice.

Which would lead me to believe she was fired. Except that she was back yesterday to say goodbye to the kids. Which you know, we missed of course.

So now I am a bit stuck about what to do. You see, I have her email address. She sent us pictures of M playing last fall. Something I gave her my email address so she could do, so it isn't like I got it off Facebook or anything.

Do I email her? Do I ask what happened? Do I offer a reference? (we totally loved her) Do I leave it alone?

I wouldn't mind knowing if they canned her, seeing as I care if there were issues with either her or with the daycare. However, everything I have heard would lead me to believe she actually quit. You would think in cases of a firing you would want your parents to know that if there was an issue with was swiftly dealt with, right? Not have them whispering about what happened. Or if there was an issue with how they treat their staff, you would want to know.

This is the first inkling of anything amiss at this daycare, but it has left me slightly uneasy. Something that hit especially hard today. For the first time since she wouldn't latch as a newborn and got jaundice, I felt like a parenting failure. Thanks of course to having to yell at M multiple times this morning to keep her from hurling herself down stairs, running into traffic, squirming out of my arms and on to pavement, trying to put pink eye drops in her eyes, etc.

So, email? No?

One cute win for baby signing

M has been signing since she was around one. We started with more and all done to help with meal time. At the new daycare they really work the signing and she has picked up a bunch more signs like please, thank you, apple, banana and cracker. Not as much as some kids I know, but it has definitely helped while her speech caught back up. It has also lead to some interesting uses of the signs. She makes her dad's sign "more" when she wants him to bounce her on his lap. (like many fathers he is the human jungle gym) She signs "banana" when we talk about her Nana (my MIL).

Today however she showed off what she knows, it what may be the sweetest way possible. She brought her baby over to me and requested I read her a book. I read to her a little and then M wanted to take over. She made the baby sign "more", then made her sign "please" and then read the baby the book. Pointing out everything in it that she knows. Mouse, puppy, truck, banana, car, ambulance... She even made the baby turn the pages (something we've been having her do for a long time).

The baby in her room reading later in the evening.